The Ways Love Grows
by Jexia
Summary: Chapter 17 up. Takamiya starts a new chapter in his life while is Izumi is certain that he has closed one in his.
1. Dr Kiichi Makes a Housecall

I'm planning on writing a long Love Mode fiction. Most of the characters will belong to Yuki Shimizu, not me, though my muse occasionally directs me to create an out of canon character. This fiction will attempt to be a novelization of the manga, filling in some of the empty spaces with my speculations and interpretations of why certain things occurred as they did. At some point, the story might find itself wheeling off in an entirely different direction as my muse is unpredictable and there isn't much that I can do about it.

Warning

This fiction will have spoilers for unscanlated volumes of the series, starting with the first two chapters, so be warned. For the most part, the chronology will follow that of the series.

Some months past, I wrote a short story about Takamiya and Izumi that I titled The Way Love Grows. I like the title and since I feel it would be presumptuous to call the novel Love Mode and because I can't think of a better all-around title for what goes on with all the lovers, that's the title I have elected to alter slightly for the novelization. My ambition is to cover romances and side stories of all the characters, so this will be a long-term project.

Novel Title: The Ways Love Grows

Rating: Most of the content will be PG-13 to R rated, but there will most likely also be graphic sex scenes, which will take the rating to NC-17.

I may be stepping on toes by using some of the dialog translated from the manga, but I can't write my fiction without it. I will attempt to paraphrase when possible or offer the gist, but since I don't speak Japanese, this fiction would not be possible without the efforts of the Sakura-Crisis scanlations group, and the efforts of Jen Bomford, and the translations at the House of Frobisher.

That said, I feel drawn to the story of the characters, created by Shimizu Yuki, because I have come to love them so much. No matter what I am going forward with this.

ReminderSpoilers

Chapter OneDr. Kiichi Makes a HousecallRating PG-13

On Christmas morning, just two days after flying into Tokyo after more than a yearlong absence, Takamiya Katsura was lying sick in bed. Sick as he was, with a headache, scratchy throat, and an itchy nose that it seemed he had to blow every five minutes, Takamiya was still trying to work on the English to Japanese translation of Adam Harford's literary memoir. With his head muddled by sinus congestion, Takamiya was almost relieved when the telephone rang.

"Hello," he mumbled weakly.

"Ah, Katsura, it's Kiichi. Reiji sent me over to look in on you. I'm in the hotel lobby."

"Please come up, then, but I warn you, I'm not good company."

In a few minutes, a heavily laden Aoe Kiichi appeared at the door of the suite. A shivering bathrobe-clad Takamiya let him in. only to be summarily shepherded back to the bed and bundled under the covers.

Kiichi swept the dictionaries and manuscripts off the breakfast tray that was doubling as a work desk, and reproached his brother's best friend, "You're working when you should be resting. It's a good thing that Reiji sent me over. You're a pitiful sight, you know, with those blood shot eyes," said Kiichi even as he pulled out a thermos of soup, dished it up, placed it on the tray and set it before Katsura with a spoon. "It's Haruomi's special chicken soup recipe and has medicinal properties."

The steam from the hot broth was already easing some of Takamiya's symptoms, and the first sip did much to relieve some of the pain in his throat.

"I wanted to come to the Christmas party, but as you can see, I'm not in the best shape for a social event," he said as he lifted another spoonful of soup to his mouth.

"Funny you should mention that. Reiji wanted to come and visit in person, but he couldn't make it because of the damned party. His girl friend, Mirella, have you met her?" Kiichi asked parenthetically, then answered himself, "No, that's right, you haven't. Anyhow, she invited a bunch of business contacts over, so instead of a small intimate family gathering, this is now a big social event with lots of clients to impress, so Reiji has to be there to oversee the details. You're not missing much."

After Takamiya finished the soup, Kiichi placed a palm against the sick man's forehead and commented, "I think you may have a fever. Do you have body aches? Sore throat? Headache?"

Takamiya nodded, then teared up as he pulled a Kleenex from a box of tissues and sneezed violently into it.

Kiichi reached into his pocket, pulled out an electronic thermometer, slid it into Takmiya's mouth and under his tongue.

."Did you get your invitation from my little brother to his New Year's Party?"

Takamiya nodded with watering eyes.

"You plan to come, I hope?"

Takamiya nodded again.

"Wonderful! Reiji's gone all out on this one, as usual, but we need some real friends around or my brother will be deadly dull and do nothing but talk business. We need you there to keep him in line."

"Will you be bringing a guest with you, Katsura?" he continued.

Takamiya shook his head, no.

The thermometer beeped three times, Kiichi removed it and read it.

"37.5. Yes, your temperature is elevated. A cool compress may help. "

Kiichi stepped into the bathroom and kept talking as he wet a washcloth.

"Weren't you living together for over a year with, what was his name, Julian? Reiji had high hopes for you. From what he told me, I thought things were hot and heavy in the romance department.

"I thought so too, but apparently Julian's family felt differently. It seems he was bringing shame on the family by his association with a gay 'mongrel'. His father threatened to cut him off without a penny unless he severed the connection, so he dumped me."

Kiichi stepped back into the room, and sighed in sympathy.

"That must have hurt."

"After almost a year together? Yes, it did, but I guess it's better to know sooner than later."

"Lie back for a minute," said Kiichi. When Takamiya's head was resting on the pillows, the doctor set the compress over his patient's eyes and forehead.

"Is that better?" he asked.

"Yes, that's soothing."

"There will be some very interesting people at the party. Perhaps you'll meet someone you like there who will take your mind off things."

"Well, don't go out of your way on my account," said Takamiya, just before he sneezed again, three times in succession. The compress came flying off, and he started to shiver again.

"Chills too. Well, I have something that will make you feel like a new man"

"A bottle of Nyquil?" asked Takamiya.

"Why that would be illegal for a Japanese doctor to dispense," said Kiichi. "But Haruomi has sent along a special home remedy he concocted. "I'm not quite sure what's in it," he said doubtfully as he dispensed a dose of viscous green liquid that looked suspiciously like the banned medication into a glass and handed it to Takamiya.

His patient eyed it with a cocked eyebrow, and smiled with an appreciative grimace after he downed the contents.

"Thank you, Kiichi, and be sure to convey my gratitude to Haruomi for his 'home remedy.'"

"Rest and get well soon, Katsura. I'll leave the bottle."

The medicine took effect quickly and Takamiya was drowsing comfortably when Kiichi left the suite.


	2. A New Year's Resolution

Title: The Ways Love Grows  
Chapter 2 A New Year's Resolution  
Author: Jexia6  
Characters: All of them eventually  
Disclaimer: Most characters belong to Shimizu Yuki  
Warnings: Spoilers for end of series Chapter rating PG-13

Chapter 2

A New Year's Resolution

Takamiya Katsura sat alone at the keyboard of the grand piano in the huge living room of Aoe Reiji's mansion softly playing _Auld Lang Syne_ while outside fireworks exploded in fountains of green, red, and yellow fire.

The fireworks, the private nature of the party and the presence of generous amounts of alcohol had erased the inhibitions of some of the more cosmopolitan guests. Men and women, even men and men were celebrating, some with sparklers and cries of happy new year, others in shadowed corners with discreet kisses and embraces.

The tune could barely be heard over the shouts of joy in the room, but many guests were unfamiliar with the song in any case. In truth, Takamiya was playing it more for himself than for anyone else.

"Should old acquaintance be forgot and never brought to mind?"

His first thoughts were bitter ones of Julian, but as his fingers moved over the keyboard, he recalled the last time he played the song at an impromptu party at the bed and breakfast he had stayed at with Shiki, when he was a student in England.

Aoe Reiji had moved in with them by that time and joined them in that simple New Year's Eve party for three.

It was such a cold winter. Snowed in, they had made their own fun that night. Shiki put on a magic show dazzling Aoe with his sleight of hand. They had played a fractured version of Charades in Japanese and English that had them all laughing hard because Shiki was such a tease, and Reiji, usually so fiercely competitive, cracked up even when he lost that night.

How many years ago was it now? Five? That night, Takamiya had been seated at the old upright piano with Shiki beside him waving his hands like an orchestra conductor prompting him to play "Auld Lang Syne". Resistance was futile. Irrepressible Shiki threw an arm around him as he played.. Reiji, happy and demonstrative that night embraced Shiki.

"Group hug!" Shiki cried out. "Friends forever! Let's be friends forever!"

They toasted to their friendship with sake in wine glasses. After swallowing the contents, Shiki spontaneously smashed his glass in the fireplace declaring, "Just like the movies! I've always wanted to do that!"

Takamiya and Aoe followed suit, as if by doing so, they were bearing witness to an unbreakable oath as they repeated in unison, "Friends forever!"

.Not eight months later, Aoe was back in Japan, Shiki was dead and Takamiya, stricken by the loss, was still working towards his degree.

"Should old acquaintance be forgot and the days of auld lang syne?"

Shiki's death had been painful for both of them Aoe buried himself in work. Takamiya, too put his social life on hiatus and threw himself into research on his thesis as an antidote to sorrow.,

Against the odds of separation by time and distance, the friendship had not only survived Shiki's death, but grown stronger.

Whenever Takamiya thought of the ideal couple he thought of the bond that Shiki and Reiji had shared. It made him feel the lack in his own life which is why he wanted something more than the succession of one-night stands he'd favored as a care-free student.

When Shiki died, Takamiya lost his closest family member, and for the first time since his parents died, felt truly orphaned and alone.

After almost a year of mourning, he fell in love with a fellow student, who was also working towards a degree in English. Lulled into happiness by Julian's continued assurances of love and affection, when his lover's family pressured him into breaking off the relationship, it hit Takamiya with the force of a blind-sided blow.

It was true that in life there was always the possibility of death of loved ones and betrayal, but also the possibility of true love.

Memories of Shiki were sweet, despite the pain of loss.

"For auld lang syne, my dear, for auld lang syne…"

He had no wish to forget those days. There had been too many good times. There would be good times again. He was sure of it. He felt the stirring of the spirit of the New Year within him.

"This year. This year, I will come out of my shell," he vowed quietly. "I will put aside grief and look for love. Love is waiting for me, I know it."

"We'll take a cup of kindness yet, for auld lang syne."

In that moment he looked up and caught Reiji's eye as his friend, the host of the party, was disengaging himself from the too tight kiss of a trophy blonde of the type he seemed to favor in the years after Shiki's death.

As he played the last chords of the song, Reiji slid in to sit beside him on the piano bench. Takamiya caught a glimpse of frosty disapproval from Reiji's possessive blonde.

"Happy New Year, Katsura."

"Same to you, Reiji."

"I had hoped you would have fun at my party, not spend the entire time moping in corners by yourself."

"Oh, come on. You think I was moping? How could I? It's a great party. The food was wonderful and the fireworks were stupendous. I was just thinking about my plans for the new year."

"I heard the song you were playing. You were thinking about Shiki."

"True," said Takamiya.

"I haven't forgotten him either, you know," said Reiji as he reached in his pocket for a pack of cigarettes. Takamiya supplied him with a light, and his friend exhaled his first drag with a sigh. "I never will."

"Friends forever," murmured Takamiya.

"Friends' forever," echoed Aoe.

After a pause, he said, "Kiichi told me that Julian is history, Katsura. I was sorry to hear that. Every time you have a setback like that you wear yourself out working too hard. That's why you got sick."

"That's funny, coming from you, the king of overwork. In any case, I'm over Julian. It's been months now."

"Kiichi told me he had to confiscate your dictionary, so you'd rest."

"I need that back, by the way," Takamiya chuckled.

"It's good to see you laughing again. Maybe you are over Julian, but I hated to see you looking so dull."

"I guess I wasn't the life of the party, was I?"

"I had hoped to introduce you to a guest that Kiichi swears would be perfect for you, but as it was, the person he invited got sick with flu and couldn't be here."

"And, so instead, I was forced to listen to the dullest intellectual chatter about the new wave minimalist art and its reflection of deconstructionism and a correlation with fractal theory. You thought I looked dull? You're lucky I'm not dead of boredom.

"But you're an intellectual, Takamiya. It couldn't have been that bad, was it?"

"I can play the game with the best, but truth to tell, I enjoy magic tricks and silly charades much more than hanging out with a bunch of people with nothing better to do than trying to impress each other."

"That was one of Mirella's friends. Kiichi saw how things were going and stepped in and rescued you."

"Was my distress that obvious?"

"No, Kiichi has a sixth sense and I told him to keep an eye out for you."

"So that's why he swept in.. I guess I owe your older brother another one. First the Nyquil, and then rescued from wild bores.

"Not to mention his attempt to play Cupid.

"It's nice of him to go to the trouble, but maybe I'm better off throwing myself into my work."

"Shiki wanted me to look after you. He wouldn't want you turning into a hermit."

"That's the nature of translation. There's not a lot of scope for socializing, but I have a very good working relationship with my editor. We've been faxing several times a week for months," he said in a humorous tone. "It's a long-term relationship."

"Must be true love then, eh, Katsura?"

"You're mocking me, Reiji."

"Just a little."

The glacial blonde came over to tug at Aoe's sleeve.

"I think I'd like to go home," she said.

"I thought you were staying over."

"I might need some persuading now," she said. It was clear from her tone that she was annoyed about something.

"It's all right, Reiji, go ahead," said Takamiya.

"I can send you home in the limo, Mirella," Aoe said coolly, "or you can wait until I finish my conversation and I can take you home myself."

"I'll wait, then," she said with a cold look at Takamiya.

"Must be true love, eh?" said Katsura as the blonde drifted off. "Shiki also wanted me to look after you."

He paused a moment and looked at his friend closely. "Are you really happy with her, Reiji?"

Reiji looked away as he brought the cigarette to his lips for another drag.

"Well, it's… something…at any rate, and don't change the subject. I've gotten on with my life. I've got a steady girl friend. Life is so short, Katsura. Another year is starting. Don't let life pass you by."

Takamiya smiled, "Don't worry about me. I'll find someone this year. That's my resolution."

"You promise? No one sticks to New Year's resolutions. You know that."

"Well, if I haven't found someone by spring, you can take matters into your own hands. How about that, Reiji?"

"All right, but I'm holding you to it."


	3. Reiji Steps in

Title: The Ways Love Grows  
Chapter 3 Reiji Steps In  
Author: Jexia6  
Characters: All of them eventually.

Summary: Three months have elapsed since the New Year's Resolution. Reiji wants a progress report.

Disclaimer: Characters belong to Shimizu Yuki, not me.

Warnings: Spoilers for end of series Chapter rating PG-13

Reiji Steps In

Katsura Takamiya had been back in Japan for over three months, and he still could not make up his mind whether to stay in Tokyo or go back to England. The evidence for that fact was that rather than looking for a house or apartment, he was still living in the same suite of the luxury hotel he had settled in on his return to Japan the week before Christmas.

Despite his optimistic resolution at New Year's about finding new love in his life, he hadn't even started looking, much less gone on a date. He had, as his friend, Aoe, feared, simply buried himself in work.

As far as overwork went, Aoe was hardly one to talk. CEO of a wide range of business interests inherited on his father's death, his holdings included real estate, night clubs, and magazines, but most were centered in the gay sex trade. Staying on top of the financial challenge of doing business in a soft economy took much of his energy, but Reiji had a strong drive to succeed. To that end, he worked long hours and often spent the night at his office and used the couch for a bed if he slept at all.

It was never Reiji's childhood dream to be what he would mockingly refer to with friends as a high-class pimp, but as the head of the Aoe house, he had a responsibility to maintain the family fortune. He would play the cards that fate had dealt him, and since it seemed he must deal in human flesh, he would do his best to be scrupulously fair to his investors, his customers, and to his employees.

Some of his employees inspired him with an almost paternal interest in their welfare. Izumi, the number one host of the Blue Boy date club, suffered from heart trouble. Aoe went so far as to make sure that Izumi's clients were screened, so that any who were interested in rough trade were passed on to Jin, who could dish it out or take it as needed.

Kiichi, too, was concerned for Izumi. He occasionally expressed the hope that the young man and one of the Blue Boy Club's rich clients would fall in love. It would be a blessing if someone took Izumi off the market as his health was delicate. When he heard from Reiji that Takamiya was coming back from England, the idea struck him that Katsura would be an ideal match for the sensitive young host. Since before the Christmas party, Kiichi had schemed to get the two together, but his plans had fallen through twice.

As skeptical as Reiji usually was of Kiichi's matchmaking schemes, even he could see that Izumi and Katsura had qualities in common--elegance, refined taste, a love of literature. These thoughts about his friend put him in mind of the last time they had seen each other.

Despite Katsura's efforts to be upbeat at the party, it was clear to Reiji that his usually optimistic friend, was in low spirits. How time had flown. Here it was March already and though they had kept in touch by phone, it was far too long since he had seen his friend. A moment later, he was on the phone, and within minutes, Katsura agreed to meet for drinks later that evening.

Since Aoe's business headquarters and Takamiya's hotel were both located in the Shinjuku district, it was easily arranged and Takamiya was only a few minutes late.

Over whiskey and soda, they chit-chatted about weather, health, and work. After the liquor relaxed them both a little, Reiji asked, "So, Katsura, have you decided on a house or an apartment yet?"

"Neither. I still haven't made up my mind whether to stay or to go back to England."

"But I thought you came back to Japan with the notion of setting down roots."

"That was true, but lately I've been thinking I like the idea of the flexibility of hotel life. I can pick up at any time to travel if I want."

"And have you?"

Takamiya laughed.

"No, I hardly get out of the suite. My editor is a tyrant. Seeing you is the extent of my social life, come to think of it. It's a shame you're taken."

Reiji laughed at that, "Yes, I am taken."

"How is Mirella?" Katsura asked cordially.

"A little too clingy, but she has her good points."

"I meant her health," said Takamiya, amused by Reiji's assessment of own his girl friend.

"Oh, she's fine, but enough about me and my love life. What about you and that New Year's resolution? As I recall _you_ were going to get on with your love life."

"To tell the truth, I haven't had time."

"You mean you haven't made time. Have you even dated?"

"Not once. I guess I'm just not ready yet."

"Oh, you're ready all right, but definitely in a rut. You just need to get your feet wet. Honestly, when was the last time you got laid?"

Takamiya chuckled at his friend's frankness.

"I've missed you, Reiji. You always cut to the chase. All right, you got me. It's been months and months of just me and my hand. So what should I do? Hire a host from the Blue Boy Club?"

"That's exactly what I'm proposing."

"I don't think that a prostitute is going to fill the empty spot in my life."

Aoe absorbed the remark and smirked, "Well, someone's empty spot is going to be filled if you play your cards right, Katsura."

Takamiya laughed at his friend's bawdy practicality.

"Laugh all you want, but I'm not taking no for an answer. You said if you hadn't gotten your love life off the ground by spring, you'd let me step in. Well, it's clear you haven't, so I am. And I don't want to hear any of this 'I'm too busy' song-and-dance, so pick a day."

"Tuesday's best."

"Tuesday it is then. That was easier than I thought. You must be horny."

Takamiya smiled and an attractive blush painted his cheeks.

"I thought so," continued Reiji in the same breezy tone. "I suggest you schedule an afternoon appointment, and if you hit it off, you can move onto other things from there."

"Maybe you could recommend a host for me since you know my preferences."

"As a matter of fact, I do have someone in mind."

"So who is this paragon of the hospitality industry you're setting me up with?"

"Oh, I think you'll be pleasantly surprised by Izumi."

"How will I know him when I meet him?"

"He'll be carrying a red rose.

"Where will I meet him?"

"You'll need to call to confirm the appointment with the manager of the Blue Boy and arrange the other details. Here's one of our business cards," Reiji said and presented it to his friend.

"Thank you."

"Now don't get cold feet."

"I said I'd go and I will, if only to get you off my back."

"Now that I have your word, don't even think of canceling at the last minute."

"Would I do that?"

"And try to be on time."

"When have I ever been late?"

Aoe just smiled diplomatically.


	4. The Boy with the Red Rose

Title: The Ways Love Grows  
Chapter 4 The Boy with the Red Rose  
Author: Jexia6  
Characters: Takamiya and Izumi  
Chapter Rating PG-13

Summary: Talk about your blind dates. These two are definitely in the dark.

Reiji could be quite the steamroller when he wanted to Takamiya thought with a smile as he walked back to his hotel. The translator had had no expectations other than drinks and casual conversation when he walked into the lounge, and never suspected that by the time he left the place, he'd have a blind date with one of the hosts from the Blue Boy Club. Takamiya found himself chuckling at some of the things Reiji had said. Still, hiring a prostitute--he had mixed feelings about paying for sex. It had been a long time since he'd done that and it seemed an unlikely first step at finding love, but Reiji had been absolutely right about the rut he was in.

Takamiya had tried to submerge the part of him that craved the intimacy of sex. He couldn't deny that the real reason he avoided it was because of the lingering anger over the breakup with Julian.

Maybe paying for sex with a host wasn't such a bad idea after all. There'd be no strings attached, so no shock when they were severed. Takamiya winced at the memory. Julian had been a mistake, there was no doubt, but it was time to move on. A soft breeze eased his frown After the long cold winter, there was the promise of spring in the air.

When he got back to his suite, the first thing he did was call the manager of the Blue Boy Club, and arrange the details of the date. He wrote the information on his calendar. He was to meet Izumi on Tuesday, two in the afternoon, by the Park Plaza Transportation Center.

He thought back to Reiji's parting words. Try to be on time. The minute Takamiya had responded, "When am I ever late?" he realized that he'd been late that very evening and blushed. Well, he'd make a special effort to be on time to meet Izumi.

Saturday, Sunday and Monday passed routinely, but finally Tuesday came. At noon, Takamiya was feeding the last pages of the chapter he had just finished translating into the fax machine. That should keep the Kodansha editor happy, he thought with some satisfaction as page after page cycled through.

Though the morning had been cloudy, now brilliant sunshine flooded through the window of his suite. He'd been stuck inside for far too long. What a case of cabin fever he had!

He'd loved the English countryside and found himself yearning for green open spaces. He found he was excited about the idea of getting to know someone new as well. Maybe he and Izumi could spend some time out of doors, take a walk in Yoyogi Park or something before coming back to the bedroom.

The bedroom. Thoughts about sex flitted through his mind setting the blood in his groin to pulsing. But what if he wasn't attracted? Then again, on the other hand, what if he was? He stroked his chin reflectively. He'd better shave. By the time he finished bathing and dressing, it was just one thirty. He went down to the lobby and the rental car he'd arranged for in advance was waiting for him. Reiji would have been proud.

Takamiya should have arrived fifteen minutes early for the rendezvous, but nobody could have anticipated the five-car accident that made a hopeless snarl of the traffic. It occurred to him several times over that he could have walked the distance from the hotel to the plaza and back again in the time it took for the work crew to remove the wreckage and get traffic moving again. He couldn't very well abandon the car though, so he schooled himself to patience and chuckled. Maybe Fate was trying to tell him something.

He pulled into a car park, locked up and walked briskly down the street. He was almost forty minutes late, but hoped that Izumi was still waiting for him.

As he neared the plaza, he scanned the crowd. His heart was racing from the exercise and he felt butterflies in his stomach. He never expected to be this excited. He looked left and right and back again. He saw girls, women, toddlers, elderly men, middle aged men, but no young men, and certainly no one remotely close to his image of a Blue Boy host.

Maybe he was so late that Izumi had given up and returned to the club. As Takamiya's head lowered in disappointment, it was then that he finally saw the young man sitting on the curb. That was why he had missed him the first time around. Eyes closed as if in prayer, Izumi, inhaling the perfume of a perfect red rose, reminded Takamiya of a young Siddartha. .Nearly breathless, Takamiya stepped to the curb and said, "I'm sorry I'm so late. I hope I didn't make you wait too long."

The boy looked up with shining eyes and a big smile.

"Oh, just a little."

"You're cuter than I expected," said Takamiya pleasantly surprised by those smiling eyes.

The young man seemed a little taken aback by the remark. The words had just slipped out and Takamiya hoped that Izumi hadn't taken any implied comparison as an insult. He certainly hadn't meant it that way.

Takamiya took the rose from Izumi's hand and turned to leave, in part to gloss over the slight awkwardness, and suggested, "Shall we go?"

"Are you sure you have the right person," the youth said.

Takamiya turned back with surprise at the challenge.

"But you are Izumi, aren't you? I've come to meet you," said Takamiya.

"Well, yes but," Izumi hesitated a moment. "Are you quite sure I'm the one?" the boy continued as he stood up.

"The date with you was scheduled for two o'clock, wasn't it? I would have been on time, but I got stuck in traffic. Takamiya Katsura is my name and I'm pleased to meet you."

Izumi still seemed a little confused or upset, about the lateness no doubt. Forty minutes was a long time to wait, after all. Still Takamiya hoped he hadn't prejudiced his chances because he was totally charmed by the young man and looking forward more than ever to their date, so he put his best face forward and asked, "Where do we go from here then? Did you have anything special planned?"

"Ah, no," Izumi responded in a doubtful tone.

"Well, I've been cooped up quite a bit lately and this is such a beautiful afternoon, how would it be if we went to look at some horses?"

"Horses? Why I'd love it!" The boy's clouded face lit up lit up, and Takamiya felt a burst of joy to see such open spontaneity. There was no trace of hesitancy left in the youth's demeanor.

"Would we be going to a horse track to see races?" continued Izumi.

"No, there's a stable nearby just fifteen minutes by car."

"Really? That close to Shinjuku?"

Takamiya assured him it was true.

The small talk on the way was about the weather, a little about baseball and the season prospects of the Yomiuri Giants, then they were there, at a lovely park with a tree-lined trail, fenced green paddocks, a training ring, and a variety of gorgeous horses, some black, some brown. There was a roan, a bay, even a palomino.

"This is the first time I've seen real horses up close," said Izumi.

"Maybe you'd like to try riding," Takamiya suggested.

"You'd let me ride?"

Izumi's excitement was palpable.

"Of course, but not on your own if it's your first time."

Once mounted on a brown gelding , the boy was good-humored and gentle as he marveled at the world viewed from horseback.

"I'm so high up. I feel like a giant!" he declared.

Takamiya held the lead and walked beside the horse, enjoying the soft spring breezes, the chirping of birds, the exercise and Izumi's comments.

When they returned to the stable, the horse got a little skittish as Izumi began to dismount.

"Do you need a hand down?" asked Takamiya.

"I can do it myself," said the boy, but when the horse pranced nervously, Izumi's foot caught in the stirrup. He almost fell trying to free his foot, but Takamiya caught him. In that protective embrace, as their eyes met, Takamiya felt an immediate sexual chemistry and the start of a fluttery sensation in his chest. He didn't want to let go.

"Are you okay?" he asked Izumi.

"I'm fine," the youth assured him as he pulled away. "He just surprised me is all."

Even when the contact was broken, Takamiya was startled to find that the fluttery feeling increased.

"It can't be," thought Takamiya. "I hardly know him. It's too early for anything like that."

And yet, there was an openness in Izumi that awakened that closed-off spot in Takamiya's heart. Finding such a feeling, and with a prostitute no less, was the last thing Takamiya had expected.


	5. Boys' Night Out

Title: The Ways Love Grows  
Chapter 5: Boys' Night Out  
Author: Jexia6  
Characters: Takamiya and Izumi  
Disclaimer: Characters belong to Shimizu Yuki  
Warnings: Spoilers for Volume 1 Love Mode Chapter rating PG-13

Chapter 5

Boys' Night Out

Izumi was quiet as they walked back to the car. While they buckled up, Takamiya found himself straining for conversation and sensed that maybe Izumi was a little worn out from the unaccustomed exercise.

"Are you tired?" he asked.

"Oh, no, not really," Izumi said.

"Hungry?"

Izumi hesitated.

"Well after all that fresh air and exercise, I know I am," said Takamiya. "Let's go get something to eat. It'll be my treat."

"Really? Let's go then!" exclaimed Izumi. "What are we waiting for? Let's go!"

Takamiya loved how Izumi seemed to smile with his whole body when he was pleased. The young man intrigued him, and he wanted to get to know him better. He smiled back, put the car in gear and pulled out of the parking lot, thinking of the perfect place to match his mood. He envisioned a pleasant meal, a few drinks to relax with, mood music, and some conversation,

It was late afternoon when they reached the Park Plaza Hotel and took the elevator to the Summit Lounge. The windows in the place were floor to ceiling plate glass and their waiter gave them a table with a view overlooking the city. The snowcap of Mt. Fuji glowed pink in the last rays of the sunset as the lights of the city winked on.

"What a great view!" said Izumi as the waiter seated them and gave them menus.

"It's wonderful tonight," agreed Takamiya happily, as he opened his menu and began to consider what he might enjoy. The menu in five different languages boasted superb selections of French, Italian, American, Chinese and Japanese cuisine. Izumi was certain to find something he liked with such a varied menu, thought Takamiya.

With the spectacular view, dim lighting and relative quiet, the elegant lounge encouraged intimacy by design, but little by little, it seemed to put a damper on Izumi's enthusiasm. For the last five minutes, the boy had been staring at the menu in absolute silence and Takamiya began to feel that maybe this hadn't been such a good choice of restaurant after all.

Putting his misgivings aside, Takamiya finally asked, "Have you decided what you'd like, Izumi?"

The youth's face reddened with embarrassment.

"I don't understand all of it," he mumbled. "I'm afraid you'll have to order for me."

So that's why he'd been so quiet. Takamiya's relief showed in his broad smile.

"Do you like Italian food?" he asked.

"Sometimes," said Izumi.

"The chef here trained in Italy. He's very good. If you like pasta, just wait until you taste his chicken fettuccine. It's so good here, and they have the best antipasto."

As Takamiya put in the order for dinner and drinks, he was relieved to see Izumi relaxed again. In just a few minutes, one of the waiters brought an appetizer of bruschetta and antipasto. Another brought a bottle of Italian wine and poured out for both of them. Takamiya thought that a glass or two would help to ease Izumi's tension.

After the server left, Izumi lifted his glass. He'd never thought he'd be having drinks in such an elegant place.

"It's so exciting eating in such an international restaurant," he said. "Should we toast then?"

"Well, the French say_ Salut_, the Germans say _Prosit_. The Russians say _Nostrovia_, and the English say _Cheers_…

"You said this is Italian wine?"

"Yes, it is."

"Well, let's have an Italian toast then."

"Salute," Takamiya said.

"Salute," said Izumi and took his first sip. "This is delicious!" he declared.

"It is, isn't it?" Takamiya's smile was infectious.

Though Izumi was quiet, he seemed to be enjoying himself. He ate every bit of the food in front of him with obvious enthusiasm. The view of the moonlit mountain and the lights of Shinjuku was enchanting. The restaurant was full of comfortable sounds, a slight buzz of conversation, muffled clink of cutlery on china, and mellow jazz. It had been a long time since Takamiya had felt so content.

After dinner, they went into the bar. Takamiya ordered scotch on the rocks.

"Perhaps you'd like to try some Grand Marnier," he suggested to Izumi.

Izumi had no idea what that was, but nodded shyly.

It came in a very small glass.

Izumi didn't quite know what to expect, so he sniffed it.

"It smells like oranges," he said and took a sip.

"It burns!" he exclaimed.

"Do you like it?"

Izumi took a bigger sip this time, and his eyes widened as the liqueur warmed him from lips to belly.

"I think so," he said. "Yes, I do!"

Takamiya found himself smiling. It was amazing how fresh and spontaneous Izumi made everything seem. As he looked at the bright eyes of his companion, he gave some thought about what might happen later. They had played everything by ear so far.

He was tempted to reach out and touch those glowing pink cheeks, run his hands through the thick hair, but he managed to control his impulse though the scotch was knocking down some of his own inhibitions.

The minute Izumi gave the slightest indication that he wanted to take things further, Takamiya decided he was definitely ready, willing, and able.

Izumi was quite relaxed now, easing the kinks out neck and shoulder. He looked at Takamiya and sighed, "You must have an awesome girl friend."

The statement amused Takamiya. "Why do you say that?" he asked his curiosity aroused by Izumi's apparent naiveté.

"Well, don't get the wrong idea by my saying it, but even I can see you're handsome and rich and if this is how you treat your dates, I'm just surprised you're not married by now."

"That's flattering, but, ah, well, no. I don't have anyone like that in my life."

"Really?" responded Izumi, and then fell silent.

Takamiya took a drink of the scotch as he considered the young man seated on the bar stool beside him. Izumi's face was an open book and Takamiya could almost hear him thinking, though he was completely unprepared for what Izumi said next.

"Takamiya, why did you want to meet someone like me?"

Now there was a question. Why _had_ he agreed to meet a prostitute?

It wasn't just because Reiji had strong-armed him into it. There were many reasons.

Because he was tired of sleeping alone.

Because he missed intimacy.

Because when Shiki died, some of the joy had gone out of his life.

Because he was stuck in a rut that he couldn't seem to climb out of, and he'd thought this might be a first step.

These thoughts went through his mind, but were too painful to voice, so what he said was, "Oh, because you're cute and gentle, I suppose."

"But I'm a guy," said Izumi. "Normally--" A hiccup stopped the sentence.

_Normally_ was hardly an expression Takamiya had expected to hear from a Blue Boy host and he had

a sudden disquieting thought that maybe this was Izumi's way of giving him the brush-off.

He hoped not, but the boy's questions puzzled him. Maybe it was because Izumi was young. He was very likely new to the business of prostitution, and it was only natural that he might still have some questions and concerns about the profession he'd chosen. Young as he appeared to be however, Takamiya had no doubt that Izumi was of legal age. Aoe Reiji would never have hired him as a host otherwise.

From Izumi's flushed face, Takamiya hazarded a guess that maybe he'd had a little more to drink than usual and it had gone to his head. Maybe it was just the brandy talking. He hated to think that the young man just wasn't attracted to his type, because Takamiya was definitely attracted to Izumi.

Up to now, the day had been fun and exciting. He was hoping for an enjoyable night as well, so he decided to take a positive approach.

"Did you have a bad time today, Izumi?"

"No, it was fun," replied the youth.

"Well, isn't that great then!" Takamiya's smile sparkled.

"Yeah, that's right!" Izumi smiled in return, but the smile faded and then he apologized, "I'm sorry. I think I had too much to drink. I feel a little…"

His eyes closed before he could finish the sentence. He leaned up against Takamiya and rested his head on the man's shoulder. The closeness awakened all kinds of feelings in the older man. It felt natural, nice, and the fact that it was voluntary eased Takamiya's concern that Izumi might not like him. Now that it was finally clear that he did, Takamiya found himself wanting more intimate contact. His breathing slowed down and his heartbeat speeded up.

"Are you okay?" asked Takamiya.

"Oh, I'm fine. Feels good."

It did feel good with Izumi's head resting against his shoulder. He swallowed a lump in his throat as he visualized the two of them together in bed. As soon as possible was his sudden thought.

Izumi probably only needed a little fresh air to throw off the effects of the liquor.

Takamiya settled the bill, then turned to Izumi and asked, "Can you walk to the car?"

"Oh, sure."

Dreamy and contented, Izumi linked his arm through Takamiya's as they took the elevator down to the car park. Takamiya felt a strong chemistry when they touched and the same tender protective feeling that he had felt at the stable came over him now. Izumi's easy acceptance of his touch awakened high hopes and happiness in him.

"What's the rest of the evening from here?" asked the youth as Takamiya started the engine.

"I was beginning to wonder if you'd ever ask," said Takamiya with a smile of anticipation. "I thought we'd go to my…"

Takamiya had to laugh. Before he'd even finished the answer, Izumi's head was resting on his shoulder again, and he heard the boy's soft snores.


	6. The Thinnest Line

Title: The Ways Love Grows  
Chapter 6: The Thinnest Line  
Author: Jexia6  
Characters: Takamiya and Izumi  
Disclaimer: Characters belong to Shimizu Yuki  
Warnings: Spoilers for Volume 1 Love Mode Chapter rating M

Summary: What happened when they got back to Takamiya's suite

When they got to the hotel room, Izumi was still tipsy and so unsteady on his feet that without Takamiya's help, he couldn't have gotten his shoes off without falling over.

"You probably shouldn't have had that last shot of cognac," said the older man

"Oh, I'm just a little sleepy is all," murmured Izumi in an amiable tone as Takamiya guided him to the bed.

"You can lie down here," Takamiya said.

Izumi plumped back on the mattress, eyes closed , stretching luxuriously.

"Mmm. Feels good," he said. A moment later he was snoring softly.

Takamiya couldn't help laughing a bit as he smiled down at his sleeping beauty. He found it ironic that he'd hired a date club host for sex, then got the poor guy so drunk he couldn't really perform. Izumi must surely be one of the newer hires at the Blue Boy, Takamiya speculated again.

He really had to hand it to Reiji though. His friend had been so right when he suggested that Izumi might suit him well--even if the young host couldn't hold his liquor. Takamiya shook his head and chuckled again.

Considering the time they'd spend together, Takamiya found himself marveling at the fact it hadn't felt like hiring a prostitute from a date club at all. Izumi was cute and spontaneous with none of the calculation that he had occasionally noticed in other hosts. Maybe it was all part of an act, but if it was, it was a good one. It had worked like a charm, thought Takamiya. He'd had such a good time.

Now as he replayed the events of the day in his mind and remembered the shock when their hands first touched, the moment he held Izumi in his arms at the stable, the way the boy had leaned up against him at the bar with such affectionate trust, Takamiya found himself getting emotional.

Gazing down at Izumi's flushed cheeks, dark hair tousled on the pillow, and now drawn in by the attraction of those innocent looking lips, Takamiya couldn't resist. He leaned down and kissed them. Ah, such a sweet mouth, he thought.

Takamiya felt desire swell within him. His body ached for physical connection. He wanted this so much now, sex with Izumi.

He undressed, wrapped a towel around his waist, then helped Izumi out of his pants, shirt and underwear. The youth sighed and relaxed under his touch.

As Takamiya framed the boy's face with his hands, his heart fluttered in his chest. His fingers reached out to caress the lips he'd kissed. Izumi's eyes slitted open slightly at the contact, and he sighed.

The open mouth was irresistible. Takamiya bent down, slid his tongue onto Izumi's, probed ever so tentatively and found his kiss answered lightly.

It was heaven.

Takamiya closed his eyes and went with the feeling.

Izumi moaned. The sound made Takamiya so hard his heartbeat speeded up and he took a strong inbreath.

Izumi was aroused and the sight made Takamiya even harder. He groaned, then slid down the bed and took Izumi's penis in his mouth. He licked, sucked, throated, so excited, caught up in the moment and absorbed in his task that he only dimly heard Izumi's words,"What are you doing? Why am I naked?"

He's finally awake thought Takamiya. I'm going to make him feel so good.

Everything Takamiya had ever learned about oral sex, he enthusiastically put into the act. Sound was muffled with his head between Izumi's legs, but Takamiya heard him say something. What?

"Wait a minute. Stop..."

What?

By the time he processed what Izumi said and looked up to see if anything was the matter, the boy's eyes were closed again, his face flushed with passion. Takamiya licked the shaft from base to the glans.

Izumi moaned "Ah, ah!"

Takamiya swirled his tongue around the tip, then started throating again.

"Ah, no," moaned Izumi.

No? Was he going too fast?

Takamiya slowed down the action of his mouth, licking slower, more voluptuously.

"Get off… I want…get off….ah!" Izumi was moaning again.

Confused and distracted, Takamiya snagged a tooth on Izumi's penis.

"Sorry" he mumbled with his mouth full and then continued sucking, making sure to keep his teeth out of the way.

Takamiya put more into it, suctioning and gripping, his mouth slipping up and down while the slim pale hips below him shuddered and shifted.

"Get…me…get off…me…ah!" Izumi begged.

Takamiya wanted to get him off, so as his head moved, he cradled the balls gently and squeezed as he sucked. Izumi finally went over the edge and Takamiya milked and swallowed the hot spurts.

Nearly drunk with desire now, Takamiya sat up slowly, eyes hazed over with longing. He leaned down and kissed Izumi's mouth again.

"Izumi," whispered Takamiya, in a husky voice. He dipped his fingers into a jar of lotion to smooth the way.

"Ah, ah," cried out Izumi, eyes wide and surprised as the fingers slid into him.

"Relax, Izumi, relax," said Takamiya

Izumi closed his eyes.

"Good boy, that's better, isn't it?" Takamiya said softly as he took his fingers out, prepped himself and pushed in slowly.

"AAAH!" Izumi cried out again, louder this time..

"What's wrong? Does it hurt?" asked Takamiya concerned. Was Izumi sore from a previous partner?

"Izumi, what should I do?"

The boy only groaned.

"What should I do? Does it hurt?" he asked again.

Takamiya knew from experience that entry was sometimes painful but the discomfort often faded when the pleasure began.

Izumi said nothing but lay with his eyes closed. The initial pain must have eased thought Takamiya, so he began to thrust.

Soon all he heard was Izumi's excited panting, the harsh breath in his own throat and the slap of flesh on flesh as he focused on his goal, grasping , plunging deeper, holding on tight. Finally the boy's body shuddered in orgasm and then his own followed in hard, hot waves of pleasure.

The release felt fantastic. God, how he'd needed that. He sighed with relief, stretching his shoulders, savoring the feeling of connection, the easing of tension. He had such a feeling of tenderness at that moment, he didn't want it to end. It felt so good to be intimate again, he didn't want to pull out, but because his legs were trembling from aftershocks, he finally did and found himself regretting the loss of contact.

He looked down fondly at Izumi. Though there had been some awkwardness, still it felt good to give and receive pleasure.

He slid his fingers down the boy's face and cupped the slender chin.

"Such beautiful pink cheeks," he said.

What a perfect end to a nearly perfect day.


	7. An Unfortunate Mistake

Title: The Ways Love Grows  
Chapter 7: An Unfortunate Mistake  
Author: Jexia6  
Characters: Takamiya and Izumi  
Disclaimer: Characters belong to Shimizu Yuki  
Warnings: Spoilers for Volume 1 Love Mode Chapter rating PG-13

An Unfortunate Mistake

Takamiya felt sticky from the sex and wanted to clean up.

"Will you join me in the shower?" he asked Izumi. The youth made no response but only lay quietly with his eyes closed. Takamiya pulled the sheet up to cover him, and then went into the bathroom.

He turned the spray of the spigot on fine and soaped up, thinking of his day with Izumi as he did. He wished Izumi were with him now. It would have been nice to have another round of sex under the warm cascading water.

Those first few minutes after orgasm, he'd had that top-of-the-world feeling, but now in the shower, as the afterglow faded, some few details of the sex bothered him a little. Izumi's sharp reaction of pain at being entered, for one. Takamiya winced at the memory. He hated hurting people and hoped he hadn't.

Then again, he hadn't expected a Blue Boy host to act like an inexperienced virgin. It really had been a little awkward, but the next time should be better. He laughed softly to himself as he scrubbed his back, "I'm already thinking of next time. I like him. I like Izumi."

While he rinsed off, he wondered whether to tell Aoe about the awkwardness of the sex of his new host, but decided not to as he was concerned it might cause problems for Izumi. After all, he wanted to ask for him again.

While Takamiya toweled dry, he wondered if he should mention his discomfort to Izumi. Maybe it would even be helpful to give the young host some feedback about his performance. There had to be some subtle way to go about it, one that wouldn't hurt his feelings.

As he brushed his teeth, he weighed his words. He put his bathrobe on and walked into the bedroom. Izumi had turned over onto his stomach.

Takamiya sat down on the edge of the bed next to him, wondering how to broach the subject. Well, now, while he was paying for the services was probably best.

"I'll put the money here," he said and placed the stack of yen notes next to the pillow. "If it's okay, I'd like to ask for you again, Izumi, I really like you."

Takamiya hesitated for a moment before continuing.

"How shall I put this?" he said gently. "The sex was a little bit awkward. Under any other circumstances, I might have thought it was your first time."

He watched the young host for a reaction.

When Izumi's body stiffened and his hand clenched tight around the money, Takamiya feared he had upset him and hastened to apologize, "I'm sorry, Izumi. Was that too harsh?"

He really hadn't meant to insult the young man.

"Are you okay?"

"Don't screw around!" Izumi shouted.

He flung the yen notes at Takamiya who was startled by the response..

"Do you think I'm a whore or is this hush money?" Izumi's voice shook with emotion and his eyes held the glint of tears.

Takamiya was stunned.

"I've never had sex with a man before. I am _not_ a homo!" Izumi declared, body trembling, face flushed with anger.

"What?" asked Takamiya in amazement.

"Not 'What?' That's no answer. I asked you what the money's for!" shouted Izumi.

Takamiya was too shocked to answer. _This can't be happening._

"But you came to be introduced to me, didn't you?" Takamiya finally asked. "Your name is Izumi. You were holding a red rose…"

"Rose?" said Izumi. "What's_ that_ got to do with anything?"

"Well, you were standing there with the rose in your hand, weren't you?"

"Yeah, I was holding a rose, because the other guy dropped it. I just happened to pick it up."

"Other guy?" Takamiya said with a sick feeling growing in the pit of his stomach.

"The one the ambulance came for."

"Ambulance? But your name is Izumi," said Takamiya, "just like they told me."

"Sakashita Izumi!"

"Izumi's not your first name then?" Takamiya's voice tapered off as he thought, again, _this can't be happening_. "But don't you work for the Blue Boy Club?" was his final desperate question.

"Never heard of the place," snapped Izumi.

Takamiya sank down onto the bed feeling ill. He had a strong desire to deny that there was a problem at all, but the minute that Izumi had used the phrase "other guy" Takamiya's mind had automatically begun to catalog the moments during the day that had seemed a little off to him culminating in--oh, God--he couldn't bear to think of _that_ just yet.

He reached for the phone, dialed the number of the club on Aoe's business card, explained the problem to the manager only to have him confirm what he already instinctively knew--this was not the Blue Boy Club's Izumi and if he wasn't…

Takamiya slowly hung up the phone, with the manager's apologies in his ear, as the truth of the matter came into stark focus.

His first thoughts were that it was all just an accident.

Then he found himself wondering why Izumi hadn't said anything, stopped him when he initiated sex, or even protested.

As Takamiya gradually put together the pieces of this puzzle, the signals he'd missed, the words he'd misinterpreted or tuned out, it dawned on him that Izumi _had_, in fact, protested.

That's when the heavy realization hit Takamiya full force.

_He must think I raped him._

It was painfully silent in the room as Takamiya felt shame and wondered what he could possibly say to the boy he had inadvertently wronged, but he had to say something. This wasn't about him anymore. It was about that poor boy on the bed…Izumi. Somehow he found words, though they came out halting and disconnected.

"The money--it was--I mean, I thought you were a pro. I'd made a date…I thought…"

Finally all he could think to say was, "I am_ so_ sorry." He said them in all sincerity though he knew that words could never make up for what had happened to Izumi, but what else could he say? Words wouldn't change the facts, however much he might wish for it.

"I am _so very_ sorry," repeated Takamiya. "I know it's not a good enough apology, but it's all I can do."

He sank his face into his hands feeling sick and depressed.

Izumi got off the bed but stumbled as he did.

"I'm going home," he said in a very faint voice.

Takamiya raised his head and stood up.

The boy's face was pale, and he looked wobbly on his feet. Takamiya took hold of his arm to steady him.

"Wait a minute, Izumi," he said.

"Take me home," said the boy as he shrugged off the hand and lurched to one side. "My vision is…" was the last thing Izumi said before he tumbled to the floor unconscious.

"Izumi!" Takamiya cried.

He knelt beside the boy, and slapped his face gently to revive him. When Izumi's eyes opened a slit, Takamiya heaved a sigh of relief. Izumi's lids slid shut again. It was just as well, Takamiya thought. The boy had had a terrible shock.

He picked Izumi off the floor and placed him on the bed.

After Takamiya dressed, he dressed Izumi, putting on his socks, undershorts, and pants. While he was buttoning Izumi's shirt and putting on his jacket, the boy stirred a little.

"I'm going to take you home, Izumi. Can you walk to the car?"

Izumi grunted in the affirmative, and managed to make it down to the parking garage. Takamiya helped him buckle the seat belt.

"What's your address?"

Izumi mumbled a response. Takamiya punched the coordinates into the car's computer and was soon on his way.

He had no idea what Izumi's living situation was. Was he living alone? With friends? Parents? He could just imagine what a nightmare he'd have on his hands trying to explain the night's events to Izumi's parents. What could he possibly say?

As he drove, every time he glanced over at Izumi, he felt guilty and heartsick, and the thought that he would probably never see the boy again bothered him more than he could have imagined.

The address Izumi gave him turned out to be a two-story house in a nice neighborhood. He rang the doorbell and a brown-haired woman answered.

"What is it?" she asked.

"I'm sorry to bother you. My name is Takamiya. I brought Izumi home. He's in my car," he said as he gestured to the sedan parked in the driveway.

"Is there something the matter? What happened? Is my son all right?"

"He fainted. I don't think he needs a doctor. He was able to walk after he came to, and he gave me this address but maybe it would be better if I carried him in. He has been unsteady on his feet. I'm afraid he had a little too much to drink."

"Izumi was drinking? Oh, the trouble boys get into sometimes!" she said with a shake of the head. "Thanks for offering. Yes, please carry him in then."

Takamiya brought Izumi into the house, followed the woman to the bedroom and lay the sleeping boy on the bed.

"Takamiya-san, it's probably an imposition, but could you possibly help me get him dressed in his pajamas. This is one of his best outfits, and he'll wreck it if he sleeps in it."

"Of course."

While Izumi's mother was pulling the pajamas out of a chest of drawers, Takamiya glanced around the room and got a better feel for the things that interested the boy. There was manga on the floor, a video game console, posters on the wall, a computer on a desk and schoolbooks on the shelves. They didn't look like college texts. How young was Izumi anyway? He must only be in Middle School, Takamiya thought with some dismay.

As Takamiya and Izumi's mother undressed the boy, he began to worry that he might have left love bites. He didn't think he had, but still found himself relieved he saw no visible marks on Izumi's exposed skin.

It was also a relief that Izumi never came to full consciousness while they were getting him settled. Takamiya wasn't sure how he would have handled accusations under the circumstances.

"I should go now," said Takamiya to Izumi's mother. "It's late. I hope you don't mind my asking, but I'd like to drop by tomorrow. I'm worried about Izumi, and I'd like to know that he's all right."

"Of course," she said, "That would be fine…and thank you for looking out for my son."

"Don't thank me," said Takamiya as he took his leave. "It was the least I could do."


	8. The Heart of a Fool

Title: The Ways Love Grows  
Chapter 8: The Heart of a Fool  
Author: Jexia6  
Characters: Takamiya  
Chapter Rating PG-13

Summary: In the aftermath of his disastrous night with Izumi, a depressed Takamiya drives back to his hotel.

Takamiya slid into the driver's seat, started the car, but sat there letting it idle. It was ridiculous, really, to feel so torn up about leaving, when the practical thing to do was to put as much distance as possible between Izumi and himself and never look back

"He must hate me now," sighed Takamiya and with that thought, he finally backed out of the driveway onto the road, and started the trip back to his hotel.

He motored down the side street, turned onto the main thoroughfare, and headed for the expressway on automatic pilot while he sifted through the events of the evening.

Not two hours ago, he'd been marveling at his good fortune, thinking how perfect the day had been, even planning the next date. Now, the bright hopes he'd held for maybe even building a relationship with Izumi had crumbled into dust. A chapter in his life was over now, ended before it even began. He was full of regret about how things had turned out.

"But, I liked him," Takamiya said in the empty silence of the sedan, "There were so many things I liked about him."

He began to replay the events of the day in his mind from the moment he'd seen the young man inhaling the perfume of the rose.

It wasn't just Izumi's looks that had attracted him. There was the youth's openness and spontaneity, the gentleness he'd displayed with the horse. His manners at the restaurant had charmed Takamiya, and even though he could tell that Izumi was a little shy, the youth had made an effort at conversation and Takamiya had liked that about him too.

"He wasn't just putting on a show for me. He's genuine and honest--and when I offered him the money--120,000 in yen-- he just threw it in my face like it was so much filth," he thought as he recalled Izumi's proud, righteous anger.

"That much money might have tempted a lot of boys his age, but not Izumi. He has character," Takamiya decided. "I like him. I can't help it, I really like him."

Takamiya had felt a magnetic attraction between them from the moment he took the rose from Izumi's hands. The second time he felt that chemistry was at the stable when he held Izumi in his arms, saving him from a near-fall when the horse got skittish. That moment had done much to build Izumi's trust in him. Then at the bar, when the youth leaned up against his shoulder, Takamiya had been so happy in the belief that Izumi trusted him completely.

"And through an honest mistake, I lost that trust when I had sex with him. My chances are ruined now," Takamiya groaned. The feeling of loss weighed heavily on him.

He flicked on the right turn signal light of his auto and started to change lanes only to find another car swerving across three lanes of traffic to cut dangerously close in front of him.

"Look out!" he shouted, as he applied the brakes just in time to avoid a collision. His heart beat wildly at the near miss.

"That was too close for comfort," Takamiya murmured. "I'd better concentrate on my driving if I don't want to get in an accident," he thought, yet not a minute later, he was struck by an idea.

"An accident," he said.

Looking back, it almost seemed as though the entire day had been one long accident, from the five-car pileup that made him forty minutes late, to Blue Boy's Izumi being carried away in an ambulance, to the rest of the full-blown disaster.

If Takamiya hadn't gotten stuck in traffic, he'd have been on time for his date with the other Izumi. Though he had allowed plenty of time and made an effort to get there early, it simply hadn't worked out.

"And whoever my Izumi was supposed to meet was either late due to the accident or never showed up at all. We were both just in the wrong place at the wrong time. That's how accidents happen," Takamiya reflected as he merged into the exit lane and pulled onto Shinjuku Avenue.

Then another idea struck him, more forcefully than the last as he turned into the entrance of the hotel car park.

"But, what if we weren't in the wrong place at the wrong time? What if it wasn't an accident? What if it was Fate? _What if we were in the right place at the right time instead?"_

His heart skipped a beat as he drove down the ramp.

"Yes, just suppose it_ wasn't_ an accident. Suppose, instead, we were _fated _to meet," he thought aloud as he pulled into the parking spot and turned the engine off.

Takamiya considered the possibility with some excitement as he went mechanically through the routine of getting from the lobby to his room with no more than the faintest recognition of his surroundings.

Had it all been just a bad mistake or was it destiny that had brought them together, he wondered as he opened the door to his suite and saw the bed where they had sex.

"Where he thought I raped him," Takamiya reminded himself.

The logical thing to do was to blot it all out of his mind as soon as possible, put it in the past, make a date with Blue Boy's Izumi and get on with life as planned.

"But Blue Boy's Izumi is probably in the hospital now. If Fate intended for us to meet, why didn't it happen? Didn't Kiichi plan to introduce us at the New Year's Party? I'm almost sure that Blue Boy's Izumi was who he had in mind, but it didn't happen then either. Was that a coincidence or fate?

So many coincidences brought me and _my_ Izumi together today. A traffic accident. Two blind dates. Two people with the same name. Mistaken identities. The rose…

One coincidence, maybe two, constituted an accident, but four?

"So was it an accident or was it Fate?" Takamiya asked himself again.

It seemed there was no easy answer.

"It's crazy thinking this way, and anyway, how could he be the one I was supposed to meet? He must be ten years younger than me--_and_ straight!"

"And even if I were able to get past his dislike, how can I regain his trust?"

Takamiya's mind sped on.

"And even if I did win him over, and he agreed to date me again, all I'm going to get is flak from a lot of people who will end up calling me a cradle robber--or worse! I can just imagine the jokes from Reiji, though I love him dearly."

"And what makes me think I could even get Izumi to forgive me. After all, he thought I raped him. No, no…it would have been better for both of us, if we had never met," Takamiya sighed.

Yet something within him that rejected the thought.

He undressed still shaking his head at the impossible situation, but when he slid into bed, he caught the scent of Izumi still on the sheets, and a sudden realization pierced his heart.

"But I'm in love with him!"

With his chest tight with mixed emotions of pain and joy, the sting of tears in his eyes, and a smile on his lips, Takamiya proclaimed it to the room, "_I'm in love with Izumi_!"

With that revelation, every one of his doubts vanished. It all seemed so clear to him now.

"Maybe it felt like rape to Izumi, but _I _was making _love_ with him," he thought. "It wasn't just sex."

"And I'm glad I called the club while he was here. He overheard the conversation. He knows it wasn't intentional on my part. That, at least, is something in my favor.

His mind raced faster and faster.

So there are a few problems, so what? So they call me a cradle robber. So what? Shiki was quite a bit older than Reiji. That's right! And if Shiki were here now, I know damned well he wouldn't advise me to give up for a reason like that. He'd say, if you know what you want, go for it. Life is too short to waste on regrets.

If I know what I want and don't go after it, that just makes me stupid and a coward.

So, I'm in love with Izumi. I want to make him love me back, but how do I go about it, when he must hate me?"

A sudden intuition struck him.

"But maybe he doesn't hate me. If he did, then why did he let me take him? True, he was a little drunk, but I also think he was attracted to me. I think he did like me. And I know for sure that his _body_ liked me. If there's the slightest bit of feeling for me left in him, I have a chance to win him over. With a positive attitude, I can do anything!"

His heart swelled with happiness as he visualized making love with Izumi again.

"That's what I want. The gods don't throw the love of your life in your lap every day! I would be _stupid_ to let a chance like this get away.

I want to hold him in my arms again. I want him to hold me back. I love him. I want him to love me back. This is what I want and this is what I will work for. It may take a long time to win him over, but he's worth it. I know what I want. That's half the battle right there."

Takamiya felt warm all over, and a smile played on his lips.

"I'm such a fool," he said with a chuckle.

He stared off into space, his imagination spiraling out dreams of living in happy domesticity with Izumi, until his flights of fancy tapered off, and he found himself contemplating the present reality of his situation again.

"Even if he breaks my heart, which he probably will, I would rather play the fool than the coward. I have to try. His mother is expecting my visit tomorrow morning, and if, by chance, I find myself alone with Izumi, that will be my opportunity to tell him how I feel.

Even if my efforts come to nothing, at the very least, I want to know that he is all right. I can't bear the thought I caused him any lasting damage. I need to know he's all right."

Takamiya turned off the light and tried to sleep, but his over-excited mind kept churning out romantic scenarios.

He must have dozed off at some point though, because he woke up to the insistent beep of the alarm clock at 7 AM.

Full of purpose, Takamiya got up, showered, shaved, dressed, and hurried down to the parking garage.

The commute was uneventful, and at eight AM, he found himself standing once again in front of Izumi's house.

Despite his positive attitude of the night before, Takamiya now found himself a little nervous, wondering what kind of reception he might have from Izumi and his mother.

A nagging little voice inside him kept muttering, "Suppose he told her. Suppose he told her…suppose…" until he turned off the litany.

"Suppose nothing," he thought. "Above all, I want to know that he is all right."

With a hopeful heart, he firmly pressed the doorbell.

To be continued


	9. The Morning After

Title: The Ways Love Grows  
Chapter 9: The Morning After  
Author: Jexia6  
Characters: Takamiya and Izumi  
Chapter Rating PG-13

Summary: Takamiya sizes up the forces arrayed against him and enlists an unwitting ally.

Izumi's mother opened the door and smiled when she recognized the visitor.

"Takamiya-san," she said.

"Good morning," he greeted her. "I came to see if Izumi was all right."

"He was still asleep the last time I looked in on him, but I expect he'll be up soon, and I'm sure he'll want to thank you. Why don't you come in and have some tea."

She was a hospitable woman and soon had them both settled at the low table in the living room sipping and chatting.

"Were you on your way to work, Takamiya-san?"

"No, I'm self-employed and gave myself the day off."

"Really? I've always admired entrepreuners."

"It sounds impressive the way you say it, but it's not so grand as all that, I'm afraid. I'm a freelance translator."

"Oh, really, what language?"

"English to Japanese."

"How fascinating. Are you working on anything special at the moment?"

"A British author, Adam Harford, has written a memoir."

"_The _Adam Harford? My husband is such a fan of his spy novels."

"I translated the last two, which is partly how I landed this job."

"Really? Two of them? I'm sure we have some of his books in the house," she said, as she rose from her seat, padded down the corridor to another room, and re-emerged a minute later, flipping through the pages of a red-bound volume.

She knelt down at the table, glanced at the title page of the book and back up at the man sitting opposite her.

"'The Private Dossiers of Miles Winston' by Adam Harford, translated by Takamiya Katsura. Why, that's you!" she exclaimed. "That was a best-seller as I recall."

"A lucky break for me but, it's not like I wrote it myself," Takamiya blushed modestly.

"Well, of course not, but still…You must have studied abroad to be so capable. English is such a useful language to know. I keep telling my son not to neglect his English studies."

"I spent several years living in England, and only recently returned to Japan again."

"What an interesting life you must have. I always wanted to visit London. Paris, too."

"Yes, Paris is a beautiful city and certainly worth a trip."

"You've been to Paris? You must tell me all about it!"

Just then, the phone rang.

"Moshi, moshi," she answered. "Oh, Konno, it's you… Just a minute."

"Izumi," she called out. "Konno's on the phone."

A moment later, she hung up the receiver and said, "Oh, dear, look at the time. I was getting ready to go out to the store, when you arrived."

"I'm sorry. I'm interfering with your day," he apologized.

"Oh, not at all. It's nice to have company. I was just cutting up some vegetables for tonight's dinner, and discovered the ginger went moldy on me, so I was going to run out for that and a few more groceries. I just checked the pantry. Even though Izumi's only been off school a few days--well, it still surprises me how much food he can go through."

"When I was his age, my uncle used to call me a bottomless pit," Takamiya confessed. "I was always hungry."

"A bottomless pit?" Izumi's mother smiled. "That's a perfect description for a growing boy."

A growing boy, thought Takamiya with an inward sigh. His doubts about pursuing someone as young as Izumi came back to haunt him for a moment.

"I don't want to keep you from your errands," Takamiya said. "Maybe it would be better if I came back later?" he asked hesitantly.

"Oh, no, that's not necessary. It's fine with me if you wait here. I'm sure Izumi will be out soon. I need to shop though. I hope you don't mind me dashing off like this."

"Of course not. I don't mind waiting," said Takamiya.

"Thank you. Make yourself at home," she said, as she gathered her purse and left the house.

Fate was still on his side, Takamiya decided as he sat sipping his tea thinking that Izumi's mother seemed very nice…and very trusting. It was clear she was unaware of the details of her son's night out.

He heard the sound of shuffling steps, and then Izumi's voice called out, "Mom, I'm hungry. Is there anything to eat?"

Takamiya saw him emerge from the hallway, still clad in his pajamas. The boy yawned, stretched and rubbed the sleep from his eyes.

"Your mother just went out to the store," Takamiya said.

Izumi stiffened when he heard the voice.

"You!" the boy exclaimed in shock when he saw Takamiya seated at the table. "Why are you here? How do you know where I live?" The questions came rapid-fire.

"You told me the address last night so I could drive you home. Don't you remember?" Takamiya responded calmly enough, thinking how cute Izumi looked with his hair disheveled.

"I asked you why you're here," Izumi demanded again.

The tone of the question demanded a serious response, so Takamiya screwed up his courage and answered, "Well, for one thing, I was worried about you."

He looked up to gauge Izumi's reaction, but the boy just stood there before him in stony silence, so Takamiya continued.

"After I went home, I had some time to think about what happened last night..

Despite the boy's coldness, Takamiya went on bravely with his declaration, wanting to get it all out before he had second thoughts.

"I know it must have seemed like a nightmare to you, even though it was an accident, but the fact is, I really came to like you. From the moment we met really," he said, his voice full of gentle warmth.

"Even though I know you're straight, I still can't seem to help my feelings, somehow, so I wanted to let you just how much I've come to care for you," he finished sincerely as he studied Izumi's face and waited for a response.

To Takamiya's surprise, Izumi's glare seemed to soften, but then the boy's face went completely pale and his eyes rolled back in their sockets.

The man leaped to his feet, crying out, "What's wrong?" even as he rushed to catch the youth who fainted in his arms

" Izumi!" he exclaimed. "Izu…mi?" he said to rouse the youth cradled in his embrace.

With his head lolled back, Izumi's face radiated a vulnerable beauty that twisted Takamiya's heart in knots.

"He's so cute," he thought.

A split second later, with those innocent lips just inches from his own, a more daring impulse took over.

"I want to kiss him…"

Just as quickly, the stern voice of conscience warned him, "No! You need to earn his trust again!"

"But I can't help myself," Takamiya murmured, his resolve melted by the face so close to his.

"… I shouldn't," whispered the fading voice of conscience which was overwhelmed all too soon by temptation.

"He's just too cute…I .can't resist… Just a quick one then..."

He closed his eyes, leaned in and brushed his lips lightly on the ones below his. The feeling was heavenly though, so he lingered there...

"Gyaah!" yelled Izumi as he came to. "What the hell are you doing to me?"

Takamiya blanched and stammered out an explanation.

"You fainted again… I caught you before you fell…."

Izumi was having none of it.

"And that was mouth-to-mouth resuscitation, I suppose!" the boy declared sarcastically as he pulled away and stomped off to the bathroom.

"Yes! Sorry!" Takamiya called after him.

A few moments later, Takamiya heard the sound of water running in the shower.

With his cheeks hot from mixed embarrassment and happiness, Takamiya couldn't regret the memory of the kiss, but a troubling thought wiped the smile off his face.

"I hope I haven't ruined my chances with him."

Not a half-minute later, Izumi's mother returned from shopping.

It would have been embarrassing if she had come home a few minutes earlier, Takamiya reflected.

"I must rein in my impulses," he thought even as he volunteered to help her carry the parcels she purchased into the kitchen.

"So, did you see Izumi?" she asked as she quickly emptied the contents of her shopping bags into cupboards, refrigerator and freezer.

"Yes, for a minute. He's taking a shower now," said Takamiya.

"And how is he? Not hung-over, I hope."

"Well, he was still feeling a little faint. He mentioned he was hungry."

"That probably explains the faintness," she concluded as she turned on the range, set a pan on the burner and cracked an egg into it.

"Takamiya-san," she said, "I had been thinking of inviting you to dinner with us this evening, if it's not too short notice for you. I was so interested in what little you told me of your travels, I'd love to hear more and of course, I wanted to thank you…"

"Dinner tonight?" said Takamiya with a rush of pleasure. "I eat out so much, I haven't had a home-cooked meal in months, I'd love that. It already smells so good in here," he said with a gesture at the chopped vegetables on the counter.

Izumi came into the kitchen at that point, dressed for the day in casual clothes, his hair still damp from the shower.

"Are_ you_ still here?" he asked Takamiya.

"What kind of tone is that to take with a guest?" Izumi's mother scolded as she used a spatula to flip the egg frying in the pan over easy.

Takamiya wanted to ease the situation between mother and son, so he addressed Izumi, "I stayed because, when I asked the first time, you never answered…you see… That's why I'm still here. I came to find out if you were all right…after…after…_fainting_ last night," Takamiya stumbled a bit as he chose his words.

"Well, I guess I'll survive," Izumi responded dryly.

"You could show a little more gratitude," his mother commented. "In any case, Takamiya-san will be joining us for dinner."

"Dinner?" exclaimed Izumi.

The woman turned to Takamiya with a smile saying, "So, we'll see you tonight, say around six?"

"Six o'clock? I'll be here," he responded. "I should go though, now. I have some errands of my own to run. Good-bye," he said with a last look at Izumi.

To Takamiya's regret, the boy would not meet his eyes, but as he walked out to the car, that small setback could not ruin his mood.

He was going to see Izumi again. He was so excited.

To be continued


	10. Heart Trouble

Title: The Ways Love Grows  
Chapter 10: Heart Trouble  
Author: Jexia6  
Characters: Yanase Izumi, Aoe Reiji, Seiichi Amagai, Jin Kuniaki, Aoe Kiichi, Aoe Shougo  
Disclaimer: Characters belong to Shimizu Yuki  
Warnings: Spoilers for the whole series Chapter rating PG-13

Summary: Yanase Izumi remembers events in the distant and not so distant past.

At the very moment when Takamiya Katsura was in such a fever of excitement about dinner with Sakashita Izumi, Aoe Kiichi was in Yanase Izumi's hospital room attempting to assess the young host's physical and mental condition.

"Are you feeling better, Izumi?" Kiichi asked.

"Better, much better," the young host said with a faint smile that did not quite reach his eyes.

"Don't worry, Izumi. The collapse was just a temporary setback."

"I let Owner down. I let our client down."

"You were sick. It wasn't your fault. Don't be so hard on yourself."

"Yes," Izumi said in a subdued tone that made his depression apparent to the physician.

Kiichi was disappointed that his attempt to play Cupid for Blue Boy's Izumi and Takamiya had been shot down for the third time but he was still optimistic in the face of failure.

"We can reschedule when you're feeling better, so don't worry about it," Sensei told him just before he left the room.

With little else to occupy his mind, however, Izumi couldn't seem to help brooding as he thought back on how poorly things had turned out.

Three days before, it had all seemed so promising. When he'd seen the name Takamiya Katsura on his client appointment sheet, Izumi's heart speeded up and he smiled spontaneously.

From time to time, he had heard Owner and Sensei mention the name, always with regard or affection, and the thought that he would finally get to meet the person so closely connected to the man he respected most in life, filled him with pleasurable anticipation.

Izumi still regretted missing the New Year's party that Takamiya attended. He'd been very excited about the prospect of meeting him then, but when the young host came down with flu, it was of course, impossible to go.

If the full truth were told, though, the person he would really have loved to date was not Takamiya Katsura, but Aoe Reiji himself. Izumi had always had a huge crush on the owner of the Blue Boy Club, but had long since resigned himself to the fact that the man he worshipped would most likely never lay a hand on him.

Owner.

"If only…" sighed Izumi as he thought back to his first weeks at the Blue Boy Club.

The feelings he had for Owner had never changed. People could talk about foolish infatuation, but what he felt was something far stronger and far deeper. He was in love and desperately wanted love in return

He put himself in Owner's path more frequently than chance would allow, hoping to seduce him or to be seduced, but nothing of the sort ever happened. Owner was too distracted by business to even realize Izumi was throwing himself at him. It left the young host feeling very foolish, but not hopeless as he eventually realized that Owner acted that way towards all the employees of the club.

He eventually became curious about what seemed to be Owner's unspoken "hands-off" policy towards his staff, so he asked Jin Kuniaki about it.

Jin seemed to know everything there was to know about being a host, from dealing with client impotence, to how to deal with special requests, to other areas of potential embarrassment or satisfaction. He also seemed familiar with chapter and verse of the history of the B&B club since its founding.

"You're asking me why Owner doesn't have sex with the employees of the Club," said Jin. "It makes me wonder if you're afraid he will or afraid he won't. Since, from your question, it seems he hasn't tried anything with you, I think it's safe to say he won't. Sorry to disappoint you, if that's what you wanted."

"But from what I heard other owners do," said Izumi.

"It doesn't make good business sense," Jin said. "A boss who plays favorites causes problems with the staff. Let's just say for example, that you're fucking the Boss and end up as Number One.

You may believe you got there through hard work, but the rest of the staff won't think that way. You can't change human nature. Some are going to be jealous or just rightfully upset about unfairness in the way clients are apportioned or bonuses are awarded."

Jin's lecture made perfect sense to Izumi, but it didn't solve his problem.

After another week of mooning over Aoe Reiji, Izumi felt the need for a sympathetic ear.

Seiichi Amagai struck the novice host as approachable and friendly so Izumi finally screwed up the courage to ask him casually about Owner's policy one night over drinks after work.

"Jin told me about favoritism being bad business, but it happens in other clubs. Why is Owner different? Jin didn't explain that," Izumi said.

Seiichi took a sip of whiskey before answering.

"It was because of the policies of his father, Aoe Shougo, that Owner made the changes he did."

"What policies were those?"

"I wasn't associated with the club then. In fact, I never met Aoe Shougo or experienced what the staff in place went through at the time, so nearly all my information is second-hand, but I've gotten to know Jin fairly well, and he's told me stories that would curdle your blood.

It's not just Jin, though. I've heard some of the stories confirmed by maids, janitors, waiters from the restaurant, and they all say the same thing.

Owner's father used the staff of the B&B club as if the employees were his own private harem. He ruled them with a rod of iron, sometimes literally, according to his moods. I've seen some of the scars Shougo left on Jin's body.

"Jin has scars?"

Seiichi nodded.

"I heard rumors about torture sessions verified by other hosts who had no reason to lie."

Izumi froze at the mention of torture, but Seiichi was just getting warmed up.

"There's a market for that kind of action, and Aoe Shougo had no qualms about fulfilling that desire. There are always potential clients who would drool to see such things, of course," said Seiichi, "but that was probably just an excuse for Aoe Shougo. From nearly everything I've heard about Owner's father, he was just a sorry sadistic bastard who enjoyed inflicting pain. I think he wanted to break Jin's spirit, but as you've probably noticed, it didn't work."

"But why did Jin stay? Couldn't he have found a position in another club?

"Aoe Shougo had some hold over his family, I heard."

"Blackmail?" whispered Izumi.

"Something like that," said Seiichi as he lifted the shot glass to his lips and took another sip. Izumi was thoughtful as he took a drink of white wine. He had more things in common with Jin than he could have imagined.

After a pause, Seiichi continued his story.

"When Aoe Shougo died, Jin thought he'd better get out while he could. As far as he knew, like father, like son, so he put in his resignation. But when Aoe Reiji took over as owner a few weeks later, he asked Jin, with all respect, to return as a top host. Owner also wanted Jin's expertise as an adviser and trainer for younger hosts. .Above all, he wanted Jin to teach him the ropes of the business and offered to pay him a very generous sum.

From what I've been able to piece together, it seems Aoe told Jin that he'd found out about the abuse that had been going on and promised him it would never happen again. He arranged financial compensation for all employees who had suffered and vowed he would never act as his father had. He even put the no harassment policy in writing. Jin accepted the offer and the rest is history."

"Owner has kept his word as far as I know," Seiichi continued. "As for Jin, sometimes I wonder if the end of the hell he was in came too late. The physical scars have faded, but I think he still has a few up here," Seiichi finished as he tapped a finger against his forehead.

"I understand that kind of scar," Izumi said slowly. "If they didn't break Jin's spirit, maybe it got bent a little."

"That man is bent all right," chuckled Seiichi. "Twisted as they come. Only someone like you would have sympathy for the devil."

Izumi blushed and smiled slightly at that characterization of Jin.

"You're dazzling when you smile," said Seiichi with a charming grin, "But whether you smile or not, I can still see you becoming a top host in no time."

"Thank you for your kind words and for everything you've told me. I think I understand him better now."

"Which? Jin or Owner?"

"Both," responded Izumi.

"Anyhow, that's why one reason why Owner won't put any moves on you, no matter how appealing you are," Seiichi volunteered.

"It's true. He's never touched me," Izumi confirmed.

"But it's easy to see that you wish he had," Seiichi said, with an understanding smile.

"When you said that one reason why Owner wouldn't put moves on me was because of his father, did you have any other reasons in mind?"

"Every time I've seen Owner in a social situation, he's had a woman hanging on his arm. You're setting yourself up for a broken heart. It's best to forget about him. Just because he owns a gay date club doesn't make him gay."

"Owner is not homosexual then?"

"I heard a rumor that he had a male lover some years ago, but I don't know that it's true. Since I've known him, he's only dated women. He's probably going to get married, settle down, and produce an heir at some point. It's just a word to the wise from me to you. Don't waste time pining over him."

"I'll try not to," Izumi promised and meant it.

To tell the truth, Izumi had very mixed feelings. On the one hand, Izumi was proud to hear of Owner's decision. It showed character. On the other hand, he yearned for his love to be returned, but it seemed he would never get what he wanted.

Sometimes he wondered if he even knew what he really wanted. Sex? Love?

Sex and love were two very different things to Yanase Izumi at this point in his life but lately the line had been blurring. He was confused. Did he really want Owner to touch him in a way that scalded his nerves? Sometimes, he thought yes. Sometimes, he thought no.

When Seiichi spoke of scars in the mind, it had evoked Izumi's memories of rape and torture in his own past. Oh, yes, he understood Jin a good deal better now, but it was still so hard to understand himself.

Was it possible that feelings of shame would overwhelm any pleasure to be found in the act even with Owner?

As theoretical as the idea of sex with Aoe Reiji was, still the thought distressed him. The burning feelings of shame that Izumi suffered sometimes felt like the complete opposite of love. The self-hatred he experienced was so deep he feared it might consume him at times.

Surely, the past is past, Izumi thought as he attempted to block memories of the faces of men who had raped him.

"Why did it happen to me? I didn't ask for it. It wasn't my fault. I'm not tainted," he said. "Maybe like Jin, I'm just bent a little, not broken, and time will heal my wounds."

One day it might be possible for him to mingle love and sex seamlessly, happily even.

"But it hasn't happened yet," murmured Izumi as he stared out the window of his hospital room and thought about the past…

In a few short years, just as Seiichi predicted, Izumi was the number one host of the Blue Boy Club, the top moneymaker. One of the reasons he had worked so hard, was to make Owner notice him, just another ploy to earn the esteem of the man he loved.

As Izumi sat in his hospital bed pondering the past, he wondered idly whether one of the reasons for his success was that when he performed sex acts with various clients, he almost always imagined he was doing them with Aoe Reiji.

Countless clients told Izumi that they loved him, but, of course, he had his doubts. They loved how he made them feel, not for himself.

Owner and Sensei loved him for himself, but not in the full physical and emotional bonding sense of love he sometimes dreamed of. It felt familial like the affection between parents and children or siblings, untouched by the passion that lovers shared.

As long as sex and love were two separate things, unrequited love was all Izumi had it seemed, though there were times, when in his heart, he wished for someone who could love him all the way, and end his confusion.

Owner was too principled or too straight to be able to love him the way the yearned for.

Izumi sometimes fantasized about what it would be to have Sensei for a lover, but he usually abandoned the notion quickly enough. Whenever he saw the quiet devotion that Sensei and Haruomi shared, he realized that what they had was exactly what he wanted.

Izumi had no desire to drive the wedge of jealousy between those two and frankly doubted that he could, which left him in a comfortable but joyless limbo as he waited and waited for love.

Then spring came and the little sticky buds on fruit trees sprouted and flowered.

At first, Izumi had hardly noticed and one day was very much like another. Then three days ago, the name of Takamiya Katsura popped up on his client list and gave him the surprising feeling that there was hope for the future.

It wasn't logical, rational or sensible, yet he felt instinctively that if he could not be close to Owner, being close to Owner's friend would be the next best thing.

Takamiya must be a fine person for Aoe Reiji to think so highly of him.

Out of curiosity, Izumi had sought out more information about his prospective client from Sensei who told him that Takamiya was a translator and rattled off a few titles that sounded familiar.

Izumi used one of the computers at the club to do a web search of the name. He followed a link to an extensive list of books that Takamiya had translated, but the title on the list that delighted him most happened to be one of his favorite books of all time, "The Little King".

To discover that Takamiya had translated so many of the words Izumi knew by heart, made the host believe that there might be a spiritual bond between them. At the very least, they would have a passion in common to talk about.

The morning of his scheduled date with Takamiya, the young host spent his energy on getting his hair done and deciding on an outfit to wear. He had been so concerned about making a good impression that he tried on three.

In anticipation of such an important meeting, eating was the last thing on Izumi's mind, so he went without breakfast, and even when lunchtime arrived, his stomach was still so full of butterflies, he wasn't hungry in the slightest.

Finally, just before it was time to go, Izumi picked up one of the Blue Boy's trademark red roses from the florist shop in the lobby of the date club building. When the cab he ordered came just a few minutes later, he stepped in, sat down, and was whisked away. With his hair newly styled and dressed in his most elegant three-piece suit, Izumi couldn't help feeling a little like Cinderella on the way to the ball to meet Prince Charming.

He planned on arriving ahead of time in hopes that Takamiya might show up early too. The sooner he met Takamiya, the better, was the way he looked at it. He already knew they would get along beautifully.

After Izumi paid off the driver and exited the cab, he scanned the faces of the people in the park and though he attracted a good many stares in return, when no one came up to greet him, he was a little disappointed.

On some level, he knew he was being silly and blowing the date out of all proportion, but even so, it wasn't long before his smile came back. After all, he was going to meet one of Owner's best friends, and that was surely worth the wait.

What he hadn't counted on was how unseasonably warm the weather seemed. In retrospect, it was clear he had overdressed for the day.

Izumi's recollections of the afternoon were vivid. He remembered checking his watch concerned that Takamiya was late and worrying about what that might mean…

There could be lots of reasons why and he began to enumerate several of them to pass the time, but still, his date did not come.

Izumi twisted the stem of the rose in his hand, and then lifted the bloom to his nose to inhale its perfume. He noted with regret that some of the outer petals were wilting, and wished he had some water to put it in to revive it. He realized then how thirsty he was himself. He needed a drink of water. He looked around for a fountain, but didn't see one. There was a beverage vending machine across the street, but he hesitated to leave the meeting place.

No matter, he was sure Takamiya would arrive soon, but minute after minute passed by and no one approached him.

As he checked his watch for the twentieth time, he heard the sound of sirens in the distance and not a half minute a later a procession of seven police cars sped through the intersection as the stalled traffic parted to leave them a clear passage. As Izumi watched the vehicles recede in the distance, he realized that a traffic accident had most likely delayed Takamiya. He sighed as he wondered just how long the wait would be.

He stood patiently for another five minutes, and then began to wonder if he should call the club and find out if there had been a cancellation, but discarded the idea immediately. After all, the police were surely clearing the traffic jam even now.

But as he pondered these thoughts, the mid-day heat seemed to redouble in intensity, and a few minutes later, Izumi felt his heart fluttering wildly.

Why was he having palpitations? It suddenly came to him that he'd been so excited about the meeting that he had forgotten to take his medication that morning. Well, he could just take a pill now, he considered, and reached into the pocket of his jacket for the small vial, but as he fumbled for it, he recalled with dismay that he had left it on the counter in the bathroom.

He started to panic, but calmed himself. Takamiya would certainly not mind stopping off to pick up the medicine.

It was really far too hot though. Izumi felt a sudden need to sit down and looked for an empty spot on one of the benches that lined the park perimeter, but every space was occupied. He supposed he could sit on the curb, like that dark haired boy, but he didn't want to ruin his trousers.

In a wretched physical state now, with sweat beading his forehead, and a feeling of nausea in his stomach, Izumi found he could barely catch his breath. The rose slipped from his hands as his fingers went to his too-tight collar and he struggled to loosen the top button.

The last thought he had before he fainted was that he hated to disappoint Owner.

The very next morning, sitting propped up against the pillows of the hospital room grieving for what might have been, Izumi realized that it was thoughts about Owner that still troubled his heart the most.


	11. The Path of True Love

Title: The Ways Love Grows

Chapter 11 The Path of True Love

Author: Jexia6

Characters: Takamiya, Aoe, Kiichi, Sakashita Izumi and his mother.

Disclaimer: Characters belong to Shimizu Yuki, not me.

Warnings: Spoilers for the whole series Chapter rating PG-13

Summary: Older brother Kiichi is full of advice for Reiji as Takamiya prepares for another evening with Izumi.

On the fateful day when the Blue Boy's number one host collapsed and missed his date with Takamiya Katsura, Aoe Reiji was in Singapore hashing out the final details of a contract, which would allow his publishing interests to take advantage of the emerging worldwide market for yaoi manga. Most of the groundwork had been laid months before.

He'd flown in on Sunday and attended conferences all day Monday.

He came to a meeting of minds with the CEO of Regal Distributors Tuesday morning, and finally shook hands on the deal that afternoon with the last few details to be ironed out by the legal staff of both corporations.

Aoe, as was customary, accepted the invitation to the banquet that evening to celebrate the successful conclusion of the deal. The catered affair involved copious amounts of alcohol, fresh seafood and other Indonesian specialties. Aoe did not overindulge but was still exhausted by the time that he got to the Changi airport to catch the red-eye flight back to Tokyo.

Though he was slightly tempted to check his voicemail and email, the need for rest overcame his devotion to duty and not a half hour after take-off, Aoe dozed off and except for occasional momentary wakefulness, managed to sleep for almost the entire flight.

After Aoe deplaned at Narita at eight in the morning and finally cleared customs, the B&B's chauffeur met Aoe at the baggage claim, and waited while his boss checked voicemail.

There were ten messages from Aoe's girl friend, Mirella, the first two indicating how much she missed him. In the third and fourth call, she asked why he didn't respond to her first two calls. The rest were variations of the above with sprinkled hints about him stopping off at the duty-free shop to bring her a little token to show how much he'd missed her.

It would be easier to miss her if she didn't call so often. "Is this what it would be like if we were married," he wondered with a frown.

He was half-expecting a message from a grateful Takamiya who had to be pretty happy about being set up with the B and B's number one host, though come to think of it, after such a dry spell, Takamiya was probably still enjoying the services, Aoe thought with a chuckle.

Aoe noted a call from the night manager of the B and B. That was a surprise, but he would wait until he got to the club to find out what the problem was. Maybe it would solve itself before he arrived.

When he saw Kiichi had called, he hit two on his speed dial and his brother picked up at once.

"Reiji, where are you?"

"At Narita. I just got off the plane. Anything wrong?"

"I thought you should know, Izumi collapsed yesterday, but he's doing okay, now."

"What's the problem? Was he with Takamiya?" Aoe asked, now concerned that it might have happened during sex and wondering how that would affect his host and his friend.

"They never met," said Kiichi. "Izumi was so excited about the date, he forgot to take his medicine in the morning and fainted before the meeting ever came off. He keeps apologizing for letting you down. His condition is stable now, though."

"What hospital was he taken to?"

"By coincidence, Saint Maria's was the closest, so I've had plenty of opportunities to get out of the lab and check in on him."

"Maybe now would be a good time for you to give him that talk about the advisability of surgery?"

"I reminded him of the benefits this morning, but he was fairly adamant about avoiding it. He told me he would have been fine if he'd remembered his pills. It's probably true, so I didn't want to force the issue. I'm sure he'll come to the right decision in his own good time. A visit from you would lift his spirits, I'm sure, though I know you're probably jet-lagged."

"I'll swing by on my way to the office."

"Oh, by the way, little brother, Mirella called me twice. She was feeling neglected."

"I told her I'd be in meetings. Why did she call you?"

"To see if you called me and not her. I assured her I hadn't heard from you. That seemed to make her feel a little better. Do you think she may be jealous, Reiji?"

"Of a family member?" Reiji let out an exasperated sigh. "She knows how important my work is for the Aoe group. Long hours go with the territory. She knew that going in. I didn't sugar-coat it.."

"She's feeling neglected, little brother. I suggest you bring her a vat of perfume from the duty-free shop to make up for your shortcomings as a boyfriend."

"Shortcomings?"

"I got the impression from her that you haven't done "it" for a while"

There was dead silence on the phone until Reiji cleared his throat, and said, "She told you that?"

"I'm a doctor, remember? I inspire confidence. Still, the more I get to know her--Kiichi paused a moment before saying, "I just don't think she's right for you."

"It's none of your business, Kiichi."

"My brother's happiness is my business."

Reiji was silent as he digested this.

"Chanel No. 5, Reiji," Kiichi advised him. "I'll see you at the hospital. Good-bye."

Aoe went to the duty-free shop and tried to push back his annoyance at Kiichi's interference in his love life. As he bought the large bottle of perfume for Mirella, it dawned on him that the thing he hated most was that his brother had a point.

He walked outside to the limo, got in and the driver took off.

On the way into Tokyo, Aoe gave Takamiya a call but his room didn't answer. It was unusual for his friend to be out and about at that time of day. He found himself wondering what had disrupted the routine.

When Aoe called, Takamiya, had just left Izumi's house, over the moon with his dinner invitation. Since falling in love with Izumi, everything had become so clear to the handsome translator.

His indecision about whether to stay in Japan or go back to England had vanished, and that very morning on the way back to his hotel, Takamiya stopped off at a real estate office. He wasn't quite sure if he was looking for, but he felt the strong need to set things in motion.

All he wanted was a place, just about any place, close to where Izumi was living.

The real estate agent's astute questions about renting or buying and what Takamiya might need in terms of square feet brought the translator down to earth. The agent volunteered to research some properties and set up an appointment with his new client to view them the following day.

After stopping off for breakfast, Takamiya finally went back to his hotel. The concierge at the desk gave him a list of messages, two from his editor and one from Aoe. When he got back to his room, Takamiya called Reiji but got voice mail instead of his friend.

"Just touching bases," he said after the tone. "I'll be out this evening. Try late tonight or early in the morning, if it's very important."

As for the calls from his editor, he didn't even have to listen to know what was wanted. Chapter 14.

As excited as he was about his impending visit to Izumi's home, Takamiya needed to calm down and , so he turned his attention to translation and worked productively for several hours. After he faxed the completed pages, he started to prepare for his visit.

He dressed casually in turtleneck and khakis, then went down to the hotel gift shop to look for a hostess gift for Izumi's mother . He decided on a fragrant floral arrangement in pink and lavender tones that reminded him of spring.

Then it was time to go.

When he arrived, Izumi's mother opened the door.

Oh, do come in, Takamiya-san. What lovely flowers," she said as she received the gift.

"For your home," he said.

"Thank you."

Takamiya removed his shoes and followed her into the living room, saying. "What's that delicious smell?"

"Miso soup. A special recipe my mother taught me. Please, sit," she said when they neared the table.

"Izumi," she called. "Our guest is here."

A few moments later, Izumi appeared with a sulky look on his face as he kneeled at his place at the table.

The boy's dislike was barely controlled, but Izumi's mother kept the conversational ball rolling and when the subject went to travel, Takamiya came into his own.

"…St. Mark's Cathedral in Venice? Exquisite is the word that springs to mind. Surprising is another. It simply has to be seen. Not many cities in Europe struck me as jewel-like, but Venice was one. Toledo in Spain is another. I was also very taken with Nimes in France and Penzance in Cornwall."

"And what about Paris?"

"Well, when you go, you absolutely must visit the Louvre and the Pompidou museum . For shopping, the Galeries Lafayette is still the place for cutting-edge French style. And of course, Versailles, outside Paris, is certainly worth a visit if only to see the fountains and gardens."

"Are they very beautiful?"

"In their own way, I think the fountains are magnificent. As for the gardens, Europeans had a very different notion of gardening than we do in Japan. The royalty of Europe had such vast expanses of space to play with, I can hardly imagine such a garden in Japan, yet the scale of it has to be seen to be believed."

Although Izumi was interested by what Takamiya was saying, he resented the fact that the man was in his house again. It was getting harder and harder to maintain the façade of politeness.

When his mother asked Takamiya," "Which do you prefer, Japanese gardens or European ones?" Izumi was close to fed up.

"To tell the truth, I love them both," Takamiya replied. "England has beautiful gardens and countryside. I miss it sometimes, but I'm very happy to be--"

"Can we eat now, Mom?" Izumi interrupted with a sigh.

She made a sound of disapproval but pretended to clear her throat.

"Help me bring the dishes to the table," she said to her son who followed her into the kitchen.

"Behave yourself," she hissed as she gathered the hotpot and a platter of raw meat and vegetables and motioned to Izumi to bring the rice and pickles back to the table.

Takamiya did not react to Izumi's rudeness. He only thought of how charming the boy had been at the restaurant the day before, and realized that the change in behavior was an index of Izumi's unhappiness. Still Takamiya was a little relieved to see rudeness. It was better than tears, but he wondered how he could earn forgiveness when Izumi was so angry.

I have a captive audience, Takamiya thought. Izumi has to be a little polite in his mother's presence. She wants to know some things about me. If Izumi listens, maybe he will find out I'm really not such a bad person as he thinks.

While they cooked and ate the communal meal, Takamiya was happy to answer any question she had if it would help Izumi get to know him better.

"So, you're done with European travel for a while?" she asked.

"Oh, yes, I'm very happy to be back in Japan," Takamiya said, "but I haven't decided where to live yet."

"You're living with friends then?"

"No, I have a suite at the King's Hotel. I've been there for over three months."

"Three months at The King's Hotel! It's so expensive, I've heard, and a suite at that. What floor are you on?"

"Well, the top floor."

"The penthouse? The view must be fantastic! Oh, it must be just like in the movies."

Takamiya shrugged and said, "The view is fine if all you want to see is the bright lights of Shinjuku, but I can barely see the stars at night. Did you know that you can see the stars much better here than from the terrace of my hotel.?"

"Is that so? And your suite must be terribly expensive…You know, I really think you might be better off living here with us."

"You can't be serious, Mom!" Izumi objected, annoyance at the suggestion written clearly on his face.

His mother was surprised. "Izumi!" she exclaimed. "It's a perfectly reasonable offer. The house just doesn't seem as safe to me with your father away on business."

Izumi rolled his eyes at that.

"You have no reason to be here," the boy declared to Takamiya, "so why do you keep coming back?"

"Takamiya took care of you and brought you home, didn't he? You're being rude," Izumi's mother protested.

"Took care of?" Izumi snorted.

Takamiya sipped his tea nervously as the small drama between mother and son played out.

"When you fainted, he brought you home, and even carried you into the house. I thought it was very kind of him."

"I'm very sorry," she said to Takamiya. "I can't figure out why he doesn't like you," she sighed.

"No, don't apologize," he responded. "It's all right. Really."

Izumi said, "But that's not--" he broke off unable to finish the thought. All the talk about that man's hotel room---Izumi was so humiliated and ashamed by what had taken place there the night before, he couldn't stand to hear his mother chatting about the place so casually, but it would be worse if she found out. He didn't think he could bear that so he just sat there fuming without another word, while she cleared away the dinner dishes.

Takamiya looked closely at the youth. The boy looked so troubled, it was painful to imagine his feelings. The man wished he could do something to ease the situation, but he didn't know how to break through Izumi's resentment. If only they could spend some time alone like they had at the stable or restaurant, maybe he could get things back the way they were at the beginning between them.

"Izumi? If it's okay, why don't we go do something together?" suggested Takamiya.

"With you?" Izumi couldn't believe the man's nerve. "Absolutely not! You wanna die?"

Takamiya smile was sincere and gentle as he said, "So, you still can't forgive me?"

"Of course not, you jerk," Izumi responded with such contempt that the translator's hopes took a nosedive.

The words and tone hurt his feelings and only his love for Izumi and ingrained good manners saw Takamiya through the rest of the visit. He was pleasant and polite as he made his good-byes to Izumi's mother and when she extended another invitation for a home-cooked meal the following night, he didn't refuse outright.

"I have some appointments tomorrow, but I will be sure to call to let you know," he said.

He looked back at the boy, smiled one last time and said, "Good-bye, Izumi."

The young man didn't respond, but only stood beside his mother in the entryway, arms folded across his chest, as if he couldn't wait for the unwelcome visitor to be gone.

A melancholy mood fell on Takamiya on the drive back to the hotel.

"So that appears to be that," he thought.

Takamiya didn't have the mental energy to check for messages at the desk. By the time he got to his suite, he was too depressed to do anything but go to bed and sleep.


	12. The Persistence of Memory

Title: The Ways Love Grows Chapter 12 The Persistence of Memory  
Author: Jexia6  
Character/Pairing: Takamiya and Izumi  
Disclaimer: Not mine, Shimizu Yuki's.  
Warnings: M Aspects of non-con. If you haven't read the first couple of chapters of Love Mode, there are major spoilers here. This chapter is adapted from one of my first Love Mode fictions, "A Night of Crimson Peonies" but I have written new material for this chapter and re-edited.

Summary: Izumi remembers the night before.

The Persistence of Memory

After Takamiya left, Izumi went to bed and tried to fall asleep, but lying there with nothing else to distract him, he ended up thinking about that man and the day before.

"He seemed like such a nice guy, then he went and did 'that' to me."

"That" was a thought so horrible that Izumi hated to put words to it though the visual was burned forever onto the retina of his mind's eye--legs up, naked and vulnerable, his very most private self invaded.

Izumi inhaled sharply as he relived the moment, closed his eyes, rubbed his burning face and finally said the words aloud, "He raped me."

The date had started out innocently enough with the fun of riding horseback, the fabulous food and great view at that elegant restaurant, not to mention the delicious drinks.

Takamiya had acted so nice that he easily won Izumi's trust.

"Isn't that what they do? I'm such an idiot," the boy reflected. "It must have been like taking candy from a baby, and stupid me--thinking that was what it might be like to have a big brother. Big brother, my ass!"

Izumi sat bolt upright in bed at the memory of how he'd been seduced and whispered angrily to the walls of the bedroom, "I hate him!"

With painful memories fresh in his mind, he sank back onto the bedclothes feeling tearful about how things had turned out.

To have his body and his trust violated like that--well, it hurt, and the worst part was that he had liked the man, really liked him.

Takamiya's open smile, bright personality, good looks, his generosity, even his nice manners with the wait staff at that ritzy eatery-- "I don't think a person could fake all of that," Izumi thought.

"He seemed to be a great guy. How was I supposed to know he was a homo? And all that time we spent together, he was planning how he was going to get into my pants. Gah, it makes me sick! And I can't believe he thought I was gay!"

But looking back on how Takamiya acted when he called the Blue Boy Club and found out his mistake, when Izumi recollected the shocked silence, slumped shoulders, and pained admission that he could never make up for what happened, Takamiya seemed sincerely sorry.

"You can't fake reactions like either," thought Izumi.

"I suppose he really was just a lonely homo who called a date club so he could get laid and I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time," the boy concluded with a reluctant sigh.

He was now glumly sure that Takamiya hadn't _planned_ to rape him, but if it wasn't rape, then it wasn't Takamiya's fault, and it just _had_ to be his fault because otherwise--Izumi tried to block the thought, but it welled up all the same.

"It can't be my fault, can it?"

Tears spilled over and rolled down his cheeks, blinding him.

Someone else_ had_ to take the blame.

When the emotional storm passed some few minutes later, he looked for answers to a question that had flitted at the edges of his consciousness all day, and now troubled him deeply.

"But why didn't I make him stop?"

After they came back from the restaurant, to a warm quiet room he only dimly remembered, he had plumped back on a soft mattress with the feeling of floating.

"I was drunk, but not that drunk," he recalled.

"Feels good," he'd mumbled and drifted into a dream in which he groaned with pleasure from the feel of a hot wet kiss. He opened his lips to answer it and woke, startled, to find Takamiya's moist soft tongue slipping in and out of his mouth.

His pulse quickened as memories of the previous night took on vivid immediacy.

"This is wrong…a man…I'm kissing a man," Izumi had thought, but things seemed to change so quickly that by the time the words entered his mind, the man's mouth had moved on to other things.

And oh, how Izumi's nerves had tingled when that tongue trailed hot down his chest, looping the raised nub of his nipple round and round and round until he felt so dizzy, he couldn't think straight and all he could manage to say was, "This is…"

Did he say "wrong'? Did he say anything at all?

When the mouth slid lower to suck his penis, all rational thought came to a standstill as he tried to process this important new sensation.

Momentary clarity came during a lull in the action.

Question. How can I be feeling this? Answer. Because…

I'm naked, he thought, surprised by the discovery.

He had to speak up.

"Why am I naked?"

The man didn't answer, but kept sucking as if he hadn't heard.

"What are you doing?" Izumi had asked.

Again, there was no response, but the suction of that mouth on the sensitive skin of Izumi's penis left him nearly breathless.

"Wait a minute…stop…" Izumi had gasped, but the tongue kept licking, lips sliding up and down his shaft until he began to wonder if had he actually spoken the words or only thought them.

From then on, there had been gaps between the words he spoke, like punctuation in a slow-motion dream.

The action of the man's mouth on those shameful, shameful parts made Izumi feel like he was burning up. He'd felt too hot, so hot, like he was going to…

…get…off…

"Get…off…me!"

He'd said that for sure. A whisper, a groan, not a shout, he vaguely recalled…

…or had he said, "Get…me…off…"?

Just what had been dream and what had been real?

The head buried in his lap. Before last night, he could never have imagined such a thing on his own. That had been real all right.

Trembling under Takamiya's tongue, despite the weakly mumbled "Stop…no way…," the eager reaction of Izumi's body that night denied the truth of those words, even as he relived the sharp gush of pleasure, "I can't believe I came in his mouth."

He blushed as he remembered the taste of himself on Takamiya's tongue.

"I can't believe I let him kiss me again…and when he put his fingers in me--" Izumi's face flushed even hotter then, "why didn't I tell him to stop?"

He was so confused, as he tried to reason things out.

"I'm small, but I'm strong. I could have fought and kicked him off. Why did I just lie there and let it happen?"

In the quiet room, an answer came.

"It felt good, didn't it?" whispered a tiny voice from deep within Izumi

This was not an answer the boy wanted to hear.

He remembered how Takamiya tried to reassure him…"Relax, Izumi, relax…"

And Izumi had tried to relax, but, "It's too big. It's too big," he'd thought when he saw the size of it, but he was too embarrassed to say anything, then, and when he'd felt it opening him, pushing deep into his body, he'd cried out in shock and pain.

"Ah-h!"

Takamiya had hesitated, voice husky from arousal, he'd asked, "Does it hurt? What should I do?"

The man sounded surprised, confused, concerned even.

"I could have stopped him then, but I didn't," Izumi thought as he remembered the moment, "but by that time, he was already in and it was too late anyway, wasn't it?

Izumi had said nothing, done nothing, but only lain there with feelings so mixed he was could not choose between them. He had burned with shame as Takamiya started moving again, but then another fire built within him from the friction and the motion.

"It hurt!" declared Izumi though gritted teeth though he did not know for sure how true that was.

"Hurt so good," amended the small voice within him. "You wanted it."

Wanted it?

Izumi refused to accept that, and yet…

He had been in the grips of a feeling as close to starvation as anything he'd ever experienced before, a sexual hunger that shocked and shamed him so much that he had to close his eyes.

"The better to feel it," the small voice whispered.

"No," Izumi denied the thought. "I didn't want it…"

But 'it' wasn't over in a few seconds. Nor even in a few minutes. There would have been plenty of time to stop things but with Takamiya's naked body pressed so close to his own, passionately rubbing up against Izumi's most sensitive parts, the boy couldn't help it. The reaction went straight to his groin, and then he was lost.

Fevered kisses wet his neck, strong hands gripped his hips, cupped his ass, pulled him closer and closer, pushing in deeper and faster in a tight rhythm, slap, slap, slap…

Though he'd gasped and moaned and tried to say no, Izumi felt his body aching, arching, reaching for climax, and he came for the second time that night even as he felt the man's hot flood spurt inside him.

And now, alone in his room, aroused by the memory of how deep the man had ridden inside him, Izumi stroked himself to the rhythm of that fast hard, slap, slap, slap, tension building, rising, peaking, until his sperm jetted and leaked over hand and stomach.

In the aftermath of the lonely act, as the feeling of release ebbed away, only shame remained.

"What's happening to me?" Izumi wondered, bewildered by his own behavior.

"I'm not a homo," he declared, voice aquiver, in the silence of his room.

"Right," the whisper mocked him.

"It's his fault, not mine!" Izumi protested as he tried to quiet that inner voice.

"I never want to see that man again!" he shouted his agony to the four walls and burst into tears.

It wasn't until later, that he found himself wondering why he'd cried so hard after he said it.

To be continued


	13. A Walk on the Wild Side

Fic: The Ways Love Grows Chapter 13   
Title: A Walk on the Wild Side  
Author: Jexia6  
Characters: Izumi, Konno, Izumi, and Takamiya  
Disclaimer: Not mine, Shimizu Yuki's.  
Rating: R

Warnings: Passing references to pornographic practices, including BDSM

Izumi woke up early the next morning. The tears he shed had long since dried, and the only emotion that lingered was a distinct dislike for that man, Takamiya. Really, he never wanted to see him again. God forbid that he should show up on the doorstep

And to think his own mother had invited the jerk over for another visit. If she knew what that pervert had done to her son, she would never have let him in her house in the first place. But in order for his mother to ban Takamiya from their home, Izumi would have to tell her what happened, and he just couldn't. It would be too embarrassing, especially if she started to ask questions, which she might anyway.

It almost seemed as though his mother was in league with Takamiya. Between the two of them, they were driving him nuts. The next time Takamiya visited, Izumi planned to be absent. All he needed was a place to stay. Maybe his friend, Konno, would take him in, at least until school started up again.

After all, in a way, what happened with that homo pervert was Konno's fault since he was the one who had set Izumi up with the no-show blind date in the first place.

Izumi had accepted the date as a favor and put time and effort into the project. He went so far as to get his hair trimmed, bought a new jacket for the occasion, and spent all that time getting to the transportation center only to end up waiting and waiting. The way Izumi looked at it, Konno owed him.

He got up, dressed, had a bite to eat, and headed over to his friend's apartment. It wasn't more than a fifteen-minute walk. He'd been a little concerned that he was there too early, but Konno met him at the door, game controller in hand.

"You're up early," Konno said. "Check out the new game I picked up. Extreme Ultimate Fighter."

"Cool," said Izumi and he watched while a virtual Konno wielded a whip made of barbed wire against a giant squid brandishing baseball bats.

"You're going down, biatch!" Konno chuckled at the screen as he flayed the skin off the creature.

"Looks like fun," said Izumi.

Konno put it in two-player mode, and the two boys sat side-by-side kicking ass for a while.

"In the hidden stages, you can play against Godzilla, Rodan and Mothra," Konno said.

Izumi nodded as he concentrated on hosing down a fire-breathing dragon.

"By the way, Konno, how about you letting me stay here for a while?"

"Your mom driving you nuts?"

"Something like that," Izumi said.

"Stay over?" Konno considered this but didn't look too happy about it, "I don't know."

"Just until the new semester starts."

"That's over a week away."

"Yeah, but hey, you owe me one for that blind date that never showed up," said Izumi.

"Oh, yeah, sorry about that. I guess it might not be too bad. I'm not going to be here anyway. I suppose you could look after the place."

"Where are you going then?"

"Traveling with the girl friend. Come to think of it, I should be leaving right about now."

"Now? Right now?"

"Yep."

Konno stood up, walked behind a curtained alcove and emerged with a suitcase.

"I packed last night, and I'm ready to roll," said Konno, as he reached into the pocket of his jacket, pulled out a key chain and tossed it to Izumi. "Think fast!"

As Izumi fumbled with his controller and reached for the keys, Konno laughed at him, saying, "Ha-ha! Too slow, Joe. See ya. Wouldn't wanna be ya!"

Izumi was still trying to catch the keys when they sailed under the curtained ledge that held the TV.

"Don't trash the place," was Konno's parting shot as Izumi bumped into the ledge, dislodged the curtain and the contents of the shelf hidden behind it.

Video tapes, floppies, CD's and DVD's went flying as Izumi stumbled and tripped.

"Gah! Why is he always such a jerk?" Izumi groused as he rubbed the knee he'd bumped and rolled his eyes at the mess he had to clean up. Then his eye caught the title of one of the videos. XXX.

Is that the one with Vin Diesel, he wondered, until he saw the subtitle. "Slutty Starlets". Another video bore the title," Hot and Juicy" and a third was marked, "In your face".

"Whoa! Is this what I think it is? Heh. Viewer discretion advised," Izumi giggled.

He gloated as he locked the apartment door, pulled the shades, found some tissues, and settled in by the TV.

"Perfect conditions for my first porn-fest," he exulted as he panted and pressed play on the remote. "I am gonna have some fun with this!"

"Slutty Starlets" didn't have much of a plot and it was more boring than he would have thought. It was mostly just naked girls taking showers. He didn't recognize any of the so-called starlets. Once he got used to the nakedness, it just reminded him of a public bath. He hoped Konno had something hotter in his collection.

He rummaged around in the pantry and found a stash of ginseng drinks. That might be just what he needed for a jumpstart. He slipped another tape into the VCR, uncapped the bottle of the drink and put his lips to it just as the first scene from "In Your Face" played and a big-busted blonde got showered with come.

"So, this is porn?" thought Izumi. He was wide-eyed at the woman's gigantic breasts, but it was more the astonishment of seeing something so outlandish, than an erotic turn-on. The video didn't do a thing for Izumi that way. It seemed to last way too long and he was glad when it was over.

The next video he tried, featured a woman in a black leather mask and jumpsuit spanking some guy who was all tied up in cords. It was very weird, but Izumi kept wondering when he was going to see some really good porn.

"People get off on these torture films? Doesn't Konno have any normal porn?" he wondered.

"Neapolitan" sounded like it might be Italian. Izumi thought he would enjoy seeing hot dark-eyed Mediterranean girls doing it. It had to be better than "Whips, Chains and Videotape" so he popped that tape into the VCR and watched for a few minutes, becoming increasingly grossed out, as the scenes played on.

"He's taking a dump? Ugh! It can't be good being an adult video actress. Konno, I'm beginning to have severe doubts about your taste. I wonder if your girl friend knows. Poor thing."

Izumi ejected that tape in a hurry, put another one in and finally perked up when he saw a couple that looked normal.

"Finally!" said Izumi as he popped the top of another energy drink and chugged it.

The woman in the video was dressed in a black lace garter belt. On anyone's scale of hot, she had to be at least a nine, and she was fondling the guy's cock until she got him hard. Then she sat on him and rode him, her breasts jiggling with every thrust. He watched the woman gasp and moan finally screaming in ecstasy at climax until the TV screen went dark.

"That's it? The tape is over?"

Sure enough, it started to rewind.

"Huh? This can't be," he thought with a sinking feeling, as he realized, "I'm not turned on."

He looked down at the three empty ginseng bottles on the floor.

"And I should have been. When I'm trying like this, how come I can't get an erection? Why?"

He started to panic as memories of Takamiya's cock slamming into him came flooding back.

"It can't be…It can't be!"

But the thought took hold and wouldn't let go.

"Have I become…a homo?"

It made him sick to think so, but the fact remained that the sight of those women having sex hadn't turned him on at all.

The fact that he wasn't turned on, made him worry that he might be a latent homosexual and right now, more than anything else in life, he wanted proof that he wasn't.

Straight people made fun of gays all the time. Is that what he had to look forward to? He could just imagine his schoolmates, laughing at him and pointing fingers behind his back if they ever found out what happened with Takamiya.

He used to laugh that way with his friends about boys they suspected were homos. Fruits, fairies, and fags, they'd called them. There were lots of names for homosexuals, but none were used as compliments. He didn't want his classmates laughing at him. Would he have to live like that for the rest of his life or live a lie?

The thought that his whole life might change so drastically, literally overnight, was overwhelming and he burst into tears.

"Who am I? What am I? I don't know who I am anymore!" Izumi wailed.

When his tears dried, he realized that the uncertainty was hurting him worse than the truth ever would.

Much as he hated the idea, it occurred to him, that if he watched some gay porn, he would find out for sure one way or the other, if he was a homo or not.

He thought about renting from the video store in Konno's neighborhood, but worried that gossip about his choice might somehow get back to his friend. Not to mention the fact that he'd have to ask the clerk at the counter for "Gay Porn". He didn't think he could do it. No, he would have to go some place where he could be anonymous.

The only gay movie house he knew of was the Rose Playhouse, which was close to the neighborhood he used to live in when he was younger.

When he was a kid in grade school, the students only talked about that place in nervous giggles. Everyone knew the dirty old men who hung out there were the lowest, most disgusting perverts in the world. The kids in his school avoided it like the plague.

And all the time he lived in the neighborhood, he never walked directly in front of the theater, but always crossed the street, afraid that someone would kidnap him, drag him inside, and he'd never be heard from again.

He had grown quite a bit since he moved away, but he still worried that someone from the old neighborhood might recognize him, so he stuck his hair under a baseball cap and wore a hooded jacket. He'd use the hood to hide his face, if he saw someone he knew.

He took the subway to his old neighborhood. It felt strange to be taking a trip down memory lane. The little candy store right outside the train station was still there, though it looked like it hadn't been painted since he left. He was happy to see the ramen shop still in business. Childhood memories were a happy distraction until he saw the marquee in the distance. The Rose Playhouse.

If felt odd to be actively seeking out the place he had avoided so religiously when he was younger. He pulled the bill of his baseball cap down and kept his eyes on the ground as he walked and only looked up when he was in front of the place. The first thing he saw was a movie poster featuring two naked men, their private parts concealed by the movie title, "Undercover Lovers."

He glanced away only to catch a glimpse of a guy sitting on a bench in the lobby with his hand between his legs. Izumi didn't want to stare, but found himself wondering if the man was just smoking or, as he suspected, had been feeling himself up in public.

What kind of person did that? If he could do that in public, what must he do in private? It was so scary thinking that way and the worst part was Izumi's thought, "Will I end up like that some day?"

"I can't chicken out here. I have to know one way or the other. If I find that gay porn turns me on, I'll know I'm a homo. If it doesn't, I can stop worrying."

Either way, he had to know the truth.

Izumi sighed and walked up to the box office window. The brim of his cap blocked his view of the cashier.

"One, please," he said as he handed over the money for a ticket.

A man's hand pushed change and a ticket stub back at him, and in another few seconds, Izumi was in the theater.

When he walked into the lobby, he noticed other posters on the walls but registered only a few details, as his eyes flicked and danced trying to avoid contact with anything that might confirm his worst fears about himself.

Although there were a few patrons lounging in the smoking area, Izumi could not have described what any of them looked like as he carefully avoided eye contact.

It was a relief to enter the anonymity of the darkened theater. The movie was already playing.

Izumi found a seat, and finally screwed up the courage to look at the screen. The scene was nothing too frightening--an outdoor shot of a sunny beach with two guys in bathing suits walking in the sand, blue water behind them.

As Izumi's eyes gradually accommodated to the darkened room, the sunny beach scene dissolved to a dimly lit bedroom. At first, he could barely make out anything on the screen. He only sensed vague movement in the darkness. The audio track started out with the rustle of clothing. Then the sound gradually got louder, the actors voicing whispers, moans, and finally harsh gasps.

Suddenly, there was a shot of a fireplace, and then a quick camera cut, so that he saw both men--erect, hot, red, swollen…they were… He's shooting his load, thought Izumi. He's coming on that other guy's --SHIT!

Izumi had to look away.

Find something safe to look at, he told himself. Izumi's eyes darted nervously at the balcony drapes. He could still hear the sound of ragged groans. Quadraphonic sound?

No, that was coming from the couple in the seats five rows in front of him. Oh, no, they were kissing.

He jerked his head away from them and glanced sideways.

Thank God. What a relief to finally see a normal guy. That man's face was turned away from the screen, just like Izumi's was. It was nice to know that he wasn't the only one who couldn't stand to watch what was happening up there.

But why's he bending over and what's with his elbows? Oh, shit, those are knees. Some other guy's knees?"

Now he saw the man's thrusting motions even as he heard loud moans coming from the unseen partner.

Ohmigod, they're fucking for real…right here in the theater…

Izumi felt bile rise and burn his throat. He jumped from his seat and ran up the aisle, hand over his mouth to keep the vomit in. Out in the lobby area, he searched frantically for the toilet, finally found it and raced in. He didn't make to a stall, but leaned over the basin and threw up again and again, his body shaking.

I can't even look at it directly, he thought, and felt the urge to vomit again until he felt a hand on his shoulder.

"Hey, are you all right?" said a deep voice behind him.

The physical contact from a stranger set off alarm bells in Izumi's head. 

Oh, shit, he thought. The bathroom is the most dangerous place.

"I'm okay," said Izumi as he looked up and saw a hulking man in shades reflected in the mirror.

Oh, God, this guy could snap me like a twig, he thought.

"It's not healthy to hold it in," said the man. "You gotta stay until it's all gone."

"Nope, nope. I'm feeling better already," said Izumi with an idiotic grin even as it dawned on him, Uh-oh, I've gotta get out of here…

The door to the bathroom opened to admit a tall man, who stared at Izumi and said, "What have we got here? A sick puppy?"

"What can I say? This poor kid needs our help."

"Come on. A boy like you shouldn't be on your own in a place like this. We'll take real good care of you," the second man said as he held out his arms to block off the exit.

Izumi panicked and bolted for the door as the big man reached out and pulled him into a bear hug. Izumi struggled madly and his cap fell on the floor, while the other man tried to yank his jacket off.

Izumi stamped on the big man's foot and when the guy let him loose, the youth whirled around, and kicked the tall man in the shins.

"You little shit!" he grunted.

"Get him," he said to his friend.

Izumi dodged, pulled open the bathroom door and rushed to exit as the assailants lunged after him. When the tall man stepped on the back of the boy's shoe by accident, Izumi's sneaker came off. The man tripped over it, and tumbled to the floor just as his partner piled into him and fell heavily on the lobby rug.

The last thing Izumi saw as he pelted out the theater door as fast as he could go, was the the big man staggering to his feet, shaking a fist at him and heading for the street.

After that, Izumi didn't dare stop to look behind him. Even though his left foot hurt from running without a shoe and he had a stitch in his side, still he had to keep going. He was terrified to think what might happen if those men caught him.

He didn't know how long he ran, maybe half an hour. He finally slowed when it started to drizzle and the puddles on the pavement wet the sock of his shoeless foot.

Izumi turned around, scanned the streets behind him, and heaved a sigh of relief when he saw no sign of the men who attacked him, but the feeling was short-lived. He was safe from them, but still scared by what almost happened.

He had to come up with a plan. Although he missed his mother, he couldn't bring himself to go back home just yet. If she saw him in this condition, she would have way too many questions. It would be better if he returned to Konno's place instead. As he fumbled for the keys to the apartment, he noticed that his jacket pocket had gotten ripped in the scuffle and the key was gone! He turned out all his pockets--jacket, pants and shirt, and came up empty. His money was gone too!

The sky darkened as night fell and it began to rain heavily. Izumi walked on, eyes blurred by tears. He didn't know what to do. He had no money and no place to go. He felt so cold, so wet, and so miserable inside and out. He couldn't talk to his mother or friends about what he was going through.

No one could help him now when he needed help most.

He supposed he would have to make a collect call and have his mother pick him up. He really didn't want to face her. He noticed he'd walked well into the Shinjuku area, and he could see the King's Hotel in the distance. That's where Takamiya was staying, he recalled.

He'd rather face Takamiya than his mother at this point. He was sure that Takamiya would lend him money for the subway. That was all he needed, he told himself over and over. All he wanted was to borrow money for the subway.

Izumi walked the rest of the way to the hotel as if he were in a dream. The doorman recognized him and let him in.

Izumi took the elevator to the penthouse, walked to the entrance and rang the doorbell.

To be continued


	14. Tea and Sympathy

Fic: The Ways Love Grows Chapter 14  
Title: Tea and Sympathy  
Author: Jexia6  
Characters: Izumi and Takamiya  
Disclaimer: Not mine, Shimizu Yuki's.  
Rating: PG-13

Sometime in the night, Takamiya drifted into a dream in which he was sitting alone on a sandy beach looking at small grey waves that rushed in and out on the shore.

He loves me. He loves me not, the waves seemed to whisper as they rose and fell.

A movement on the swell caught his eye. He watched for a long time trying to make out what he was seeing until the tide washed a mess of mangled sticks, string, and paper onto the beach at his feet. A kite.

"You broke it," sighed the waves. "You broke it.

Takamiya picked up the wadded cord and tried to unravel the swollen knots but turned when he heard the sound of weeping beside him.

Izumi?

The boy was huddled next to him, his eyes dark pools of pain.

"You broke it," the boy accused.

"I didn't mean to. Can you forgive me?" Takamiya said as he reached out to comfort the sobbing youth.

"Of course not, you jerk!"

Takamiya woke up at 2 o'clock in the morning with a sick feeling of dread as the words echoed and re-echoed in his mind.

I shouldn't have kissed him again after he fainted that last time, thought Takamiya. He doesn't trust me, and why should he? I wasn't thinking about what he wanted. I was thinking about what I wanted.

"Of course not, you jerk!" the boy had said.

He wants to forget about what happened, Takamiya reflected. His memories aren't like mine. Every time he sees me, the wounds he's trying to heal open again. Maybe I should stay away from him.

But, I love him. Takamiya stared at the wall, and faced the hard question head-on.

But what if my love is hurting him?

Takamiya remembered the pain he had seen in Izumi's eyes and heard in his voice.

"Of course not, you jerk!" The phrase haunted the man.

If I really love him, maybe I need to let him go, Takamiya thought.

He could call Izumi's mother in the morning, and let her know he had a prior engagement and then simply let himself fade out of their lives. Then in a few weeks, he would be a distant memory and maybe that would be better for all concerned.

He could weather another broken heart, he was sure. All he needed to do was to throw himself into his work again. He'd done it when his father died, and when Shiki died. He did it after Julian left. It could work again if he lost Izumi.

Then, suddenly, he was close to tears because, in truth, he wasn't at all sure. He'd been lonely so long and when he met Izumi, so sure he'd found a chance of happiness again.

Takamiya sighed. He was not at all happy with any scenario that cut Izumi out of his life completely. Maybe he needed to look at the situation from another angle.

I'm blowing this out of proportion, he realized. I'm reacting to Izumi's anger. But given enough time, his anger will fade. Maybe all he needs is time to heal and some breathing room, and then I will ask again for his forgiveness. In any case, I have plenty to keep me busy while I'm waiting--finishing the next few chapters, finding an apartment to live in…

Although, it was only 2:30 in the morning, Takamiya wasn't sleepy in the slightest. He showered, made a pot of tea, dressed and threw himself into the adventure of rendering into Japanese, Adam Harford's Berlin adventures during the Cold War.

Room service brought breakfast at 7:30 in the morning. After finishing the scrambled eggs and crumpets with marmalade, Takamiya went back to work and was still hard at it some two hours later when the difficulty of finding an exact translation for the espionage term "safe houses" stymied him.

He sighed, stretched his shoulders and glanced at the clock. It was 10 AM. He suddenly recalled his appointment with the real estate agent was for noon, and that he needed to call Izumi's mother.

He dialed her number, and after he exchanged greetings, extended his regrets.

"I'm so sorry I didn't call earlier, but I've been working on a chapter for my editor, and I'm afraid I won't be able to come to dinner tonight. In fact, a number of things came up suddenly, so it might be a week or two before I see you both again."

"Oh, that's too bad, but I understand, Takamiya-san," she said. "I suppose it's just as well though, since Izumi went to stay at a friend's place, but please call again when your schedule allows. I'll be returning to work and Izumi starts his new semester next week, but we would love to have you visit any time you have an evening free."

"Thank you for your kindness," he said and then after a few more pleasantries, they hung up.

Takamiya sighed as he realized that Izumi had gone to stay with a friend most likely as a way of avoiding him.

He was a little surprised, but the fact Izumi had done it at all, drove home to him that the choice he made to allow the boy some space and time to heal was a good one.

Takamiya faxed the pages he'd completed to his editor, then shaved and went down to the hotel café for lunch. When he finished, he took the subway to his appointment at the real estate office.

"So, Takamiya-san," said Mrs. Yamato as she reviewed a number of listing cards with him, "I think any of these four apartments might meet with your approval, but this one," she gestured, "comes closest to meeting your needs. It's on a quiet, tree-lined street in the neighborhood you mentioned. Shopping and parks are within walking distance. It's a two-bedroom unit with a fully equipped modern kitchen and dining area. The tenant before you used the second bedroom as a study and had it wired for internet connectivity, so there is ample space for a desk and so forth and, of course, for your book collection. The master bedroom is spacious and has a full bath attached. There are also parking spaces available for an additional monthly charge."

"It does sound ideal," Takamiya agreed.

"Then let's go take a look at it," she suggested.

The trees lining the street in the prospective neighborhood were already decked out in pale green leaves of early spring.

"How lovely they are," said Takamiya. And only a twenty-minute walk from Izumi's house, he thought to himself.

"This apartment would suit me very well," he said to the realtor. "When could I move in?"

"As soon as we handle the financial arrangements and sign the rental agreements, the place is yours. Today, if you'd like."

"Yes, I'd like to get the paperwork done today. Then I can get my books out of storage and purchase some furniture. I'd like to be moved in by the first of the month."

Takamiya walked out of the realtor's office at two PM with the key to his new apartment in hand. He was back at his suite a mere half-hour later.

His energy was usually at low ebb in the afternoon. He made some tea and sat down with a novel, but the tea was not enough to restore him fully. After having lost so much sleep the night before, Takamiya dozed off. There were no disturbing dreams to wake him. He simply slept until he woke in the dimly lit room to the sound of rain pattering on the terrace windows.

He turned on the lamp, and reached for his tea. The cup was cold to the hand, so he poured it down the sink, filled the tea maker again and set it to brew. He went to the window and looked out into the bleak grayness as night fell on Shinjuku and the streetlights winked on.

A muddied half-moon peeped out from shredded clouds by fits and starts, but he could not see a single star in the sky, and every so often the wind would fling rain drops against the plate glass of the terrace door.

"Impossible view," sighed Takamiya. He was sure the new apartment would suit him better.

A sudden ring of the doorbell surprised him out of his reverie. He rarely had visitors. He knit his brows as he moved to open the door even as he asked, "Who is it?"

He was startled to see Izumi standing at the threshold soaked from head to foot with one of his shoes missing and his sock dripping wet.

"Izumi?"

The boy looked miserable and on the verge of tears.

"Come in," Takamiya said softly. When the boy just stood shivering with cold in the doorway, Takamiya took him gently by the arm and guided him in.

"Yes, that's right, take off your shoe, and that wet heavy jacket. A warm shower is what you need," said Takamiya as he led the way to the bathroom. "Here's a towel and a bathrobe. If you leave your wet clothes outside the door, I'll call hotel services and see about getting them cleaned and dried for you."

"Look," he told the boy, as he paused by the closet and pulled some clothing off hangers, "I've got a sweater and a pair of pants for you to wear. I'll set them on the dresser here. Sorry they're a little big, but they should be okay until you get your own clothes back. In the meantime, I'll make some hot tea," he said, and left Izumi his privacy.

Izumi said nothing in reply but did as he was told.

When Takamiya heard the spray of the shower, he went back into the bedroom and retrieved Izumi's wet garments, and called the hotel service desk.

One of the clerks from the staff arrived in minutes.

"The jacket needs mending," Takamiya said, as he pointed out the ripped seam to the woman.

"We will have them ready for you tomorrow morning,"the maid said as she took the wet clothes.

"My guest also lost the mate to his shoe," Takamiya said as he held up Izumi's sneaker, "Is there any chance…"

"I'll take it with me, sir. The concierge will send out a personal shopper to find a pair in a similar style.

"Thank you so much," said Takamiya as the maid took her leave.

Takamiya went into the kitchenette and set the hot teapot and cups on a tray while he pondered the mystery of Izumi's unexpected appearance on his doorstep. He walked back into the living room area and set the tray on the coffee table.

The way his clothes were disheveled--was he mugged or in a fight? Takamiya wondered as he looked out the terrace window into the night.

He heard the sound of footsteps and turned to see Izumi padding quietly down the hall with downcast eyes. Wearing the oversize sweater and with the cuffs of the trousers rolled up so he wouldn't trip on them, the boy looked more desirable than ever to Takamiya, but he had never seen him so dispirited.

"Did the shower warm you up," he asked Izumi as he poured the steaming tea into cups.

Izumi mumbled something inaudible in reply, and moved to sit in one of the chairs.

"Tea?" Takamiya offered, but Izumi shook his head.

The boy was so silent and subdued. Clearly there was something serious wrong.

Takamiya attempted to bridge what he felt was an awkward silence.

"I sent your clothes out to be cleaned," he said, "and they should be ready in the morning. There's another bed in the guest room, so it's okay if you stay overnight. Not that it wouldn't be fine to share a bed…" Takamiya's voice trailed off as he realized how bad that must sound to the boy, so he quickly changed the subject, saying, "So what brings you here so late in the day?"

A sudden gust of rain on the windows muffled Izumi's murmured reply.

"What was that?" Takamiya asked.

In a sudden lull, he heard the boy's words clearly.

"Hold me."

The request stunned Takamiya, and time stood still while he tried to grasp the meaning of it. Eons passed, it seemed, between each breath he took. To have the person he loved return to him against all expectation was a blessing that he could scarcely credit. He was not about to refuse the boy whatever comfort he might need.

Takamiya had no conscious awareness of how he bridged the distance between them. He only knew that one moment he was sitting in his chair and the next his thumb was tracing the soft curve of Izumi's lips, hands cradling his head, eyes caressing the troubled face he held. Then his lips descended on the mouth he longed for and he kissed Izumi, their chests so close, he could feel the heavy thumping of their hearts until the world fell away and passion claimed him.

Takamiya swept the boy up into his arms and glided down the hall to the bedroom. His lips never left Izumi's even when he placed the boy's body on the bed and slid onto it after him. He slipped his tongue into Izumi's unresisting mouth, his fingers tenderly brushing the tousled hair from the boy's smooth forehead.

And then he wanted more and took his lips away to say, "Izumi…"

The sight of unshed tears on the youth's eyelids awakened a feeling of ardent tenderness in Takamiya. "Izumi, give me your tongue," he whispered.

Hesitantly, shyly, the boy did as he was bid, and when the man sucked it softly, the youth let out a moan that inflamed Takamiya's desire. He broke the kiss to slide his hand slowly up beneath the sweater Izumi wore, fingertips in search of the swollen bud of a nipple. Eyes intent on Izumi's face, the man watched the youth shudder at his touch, but when the boy groaned in response, it seemed to Takamiya that there was more pain than pleasure in it. Alarmed, he stopped mid-stroke and drew his hand away. He would not repeat the mistake he made on the day they first met.

"Izumi?" he asked.

Face and body shaking with emotion, eyes glistening, brimming with tears, Izumi clenched his hands in anger, "You're the bad one! Not me!" he shouted as he rose from the bed and punched Takamiya in the jaw.

The unexpected blow caught Takamiya off-guard and sent him staggering to the floor. When he got to his feet, Izumi was lying across the bed, head buried in his hands, sobbing his heart out.

The boy's apparent agony made the slight pain of Takamiya's bruised chin seem pale by comparison.

The man wanted to help in whatever way he could, but he didn't know what the problem was.

"What's wrong, Izumi? Please, calm down. Can't you tell me what's wrong, "he asked.

The boy struggled to master his emotions. With his fists on the coverlet, Izumi finally steeled himself to exclaim, "I've definitely….become a homo!" and after one tortured glance at Takamiya, he hid his face in his hands again and wailed even more bitterly than before.

Takamiya had at least a partial answer now about what was causing Izumi's pain. It was rooted in feelings about homosexuality.

The man had long since come to terms with his own sexual orientation and was comfortable with it. It was an essential part of who he was as a person and he was not ashamed. He did know others who were racked with guilt and pain over it because of their upbringing, the reactions of their families and of society.

Only two nights before, Izumi had declared to Takamiya, "I am not a homo!" Two days later, he was certain he was one. What was clear to the man now, was that the boy was not certain of anything at the moment.

Izumi must be so confused now, the man thought. No wonder he's crying.

Though Takamiya's first instinct was to gather the boy in his arms and hug away the pain, he feared his touch might make things worse.

I'd better let him cry himself out, the man thought.

He placed a box of Kleenex within reach and left the room to get the tea tray.

The liquid in the cups was only tepid now, so Takamiya went to the sink, emptied them and refilled the tea maker with water. He found himself wondering again, as he measured leaves into the tea ball, just what had happened to Izumi that afternoon.

If the boy had another homosexual experience, by the looks of things, it had been a violent one, and the thought that Izumi might have been raped, made Takamiya queasy.

When the tea was ready, he set the cups, the pot, and some lemon slices on the tray and carried it up the hall to the bedroom to find Izumi dabbing away the last of his tears.

The boy was sitting tailor-fashion on the bed. He looked much calmer, if a little embarrassed, and utterly adorable in the over-sized clothes, Takamiya couldn't help thinking.

"Feeling better?" the man asked as sat down on the edge of the bed, poured the steaming beverage into the cups and handed one to Izumi.

Izumi nodded and said, "Thank you."

Encouraged by the polite response and more open manner, Takamiya thought the boy might be ready to talk.

"What happened to you today, Izumi? You'll feel better if tell someone about it."

Izumi took another sip of tea and began, "I went to visit my friend, Konno, this morning."

Takamiya was immediately suspicious of this Konno person and wondered if he was the culprit in whatever happened.

"So what happened with your friend?" asked Takamiya, making a conscious effort to keep his tone neutral.

"Oh, we played video games for a while, but then he had to leave. He's on a trip with his girl friend," Izumi explained, and Takamiya's jealous conjectures about Konno evaporated.

"Anyway, Izumi continued, "He lent me the key to his apartment so I could watch the place for him. I wasn't there long when I accidentally stumbled onto his porn collection and I…watched some."

"What kind was it?" Takamiya asked with natural curiosity. "Men and women or…?"

Izumi nodded. "Yeah, men and women, and a lot of it was really weird, but some of it was normal. I even had ginseng drinks, but whatever great stuff I watched, um," he hesitated, "and that one girl was really pretty, but even so, I was surprised that I wasn't…I mean…that I didn't…uh, that is…that I couldn't…" Izumi paused for so long that Takamiya finished the sentence for him.

"So, you didn't get an erection, I take it," the man said.

"Yeah," Izumi admitted, "and I wondered if…well…you know…what happened the other night…"

The boy couldn't meet Takamiya's eyes as he said this but continued anyway, "On TV, sometimes on talk shows, I've heard lots of stories about guys who've been raped or seduced and wake up to a side of themselves they didn't know was there. You know what I mean? Homo."

"Um, well, that's kind of…" Takamiya trailed off. Now he didn't know quite what to say, but Izumi filled in the gap.

"…Anyway, I thought if I watched some homo porn, it would make things clear to me, so I went to that place, the Rose Playhouse."

The Rose Playhouse, thought Takamiya with a sinking feeling. Even among gays that place had a bad reputation.

"But in the washroom," Izumi continued, "there were these two guys working together…"

The bathroom is the most dangerous place, thought Takamiya with dismay.

"What happened there?" the man asked, dreading the answer.

"Well, there was a big fight," said Izumi. "The big guy grabbed me and then the other guy…"

Takamiya's stomach lurched and plunged as he listened to the details.

"…well, they knocked my hat off in the scuffle," the boy went on, "and I lost my shoe _and _my money when they wrecked my jacket…It was a dangerous situation, seriously bad…"

Takamiya waited in horror for the rest of the story.

"…but nothing happened, so that's good," Izumi finished with an air of total nonchalance.

Takamiya made a strangled sound as he dropped to his knees and stretched his arms out on the bed in an attitude of surrender or thanksgiving.

"What's wrong?" asked the boy.

Takamiya stood up and said, "I'm just so relieved. I thought for sure those guys had raped you, for crying out loud. It was kind of a shock to the system," he said as he picked up his teacup and calmed himself with another sip.

"And after that, you came to my place?" Takamiya asked. "But I thought coming here was a terrible thing for you, so why_ did_ you come?"

Izumi didn't bother with the story he'd prepared on the way to the hotel about borrowing money for the subway.

"Because I needed to know for sure," the boy said with his face utterly serious. His voice shook as he said his next words, "Takamiya, you're a homo…"

Homo he says, thought Takamiya Yes, I am. But, what does he want of me, if not _that_?

"I…" the boy struggled to find the right words. "What should I do?"

The boy stood up and searched Takamiya's face as though he might find an answer there.

"What can I do to heal myself?" Izumi asked finally as tears spilled down his cheeks.

Damn, thought Takamiya, I thought something terrible had happened.

But when he realized how deep the boy's anguish ran, the man was overcome by feelings of pity and love. He reached out instantly to draw him into a hug.

"It's okay, Izumi," he whispered reassurance. "It's okay."

There were lies he might have told, other truths he might have told, but Takamiya said what would give the greatest comfort.

"There's nothing wrong with you. It's just a part of growing up. You'll be fine. Right now, though you might not think so, all you need is a good night's sleep and you'll wake up hale and hearty tomorrow. Right?"

"All right," said Izumi, voice trembling, as he clung to Takamiya and wet the sleeve of the man's shirt with his tears.

Takamiya had been sure that the boy would be in a hurry to pull away from his embrace when the tears stopped, but Izumi rested in his arms long after they dried. The small fact made the man strangely happy as he felt wave upon wave of tenderness and love for Izumi flow through him.

Although for all the man knew, this might be the last time he would ever hold Izumi in his arms, still he savored the bittersweet pangs that pierced his heart.

To be continued


	15. A Reason for Holding On

Fic: The Ways Love Grows Chapter 15  
Title: A Reason for Holding On  
Author: Jexia6  
Characters: Izumi and Takamiya  
Disclaimer: Not mine, Shimizu Yuki's.  
Rating: PG-13

Izumi shifted his weight first, and as if it had been agreed on ahead of time, they released from the hug at the same time.

Takamiya was still concerned for the youth's comfort, so he asked, "Are you hungry, Izumi?"

The boy shook his head no and replied, "Just tired."

"Then let me show you the guest room," said Takamiya as he led the way and stepped aside to let Izumi enter.

"Good-night" he said, as the youth stumbled to the bed and crawled under the covers.

Takamiya turned out the light, walked up the hall to his own room with a feeling of contentment, and the slightest blur of tears filming his eyes at the thought that Izumi was staying under his roof.

It was certainly happiness of a sort.

He should go to sleep, but the thought that Izumi was right up the hall from him was too exciting. Takamiya was wide-awake partly because of the boy's unexpected visit, but also from his afternoon nap.

He realized that he should go to bed. He had things to accomplish the next day after all. He needed to call the movers to get his belongings out of storage, and let his editor know there would be a slight delay on the next chapter because---

Suddenly the memory of the long kiss he'd shared with Izumi seared him.

As if he could concentrate on details with Izumi asleep in bed just a few meters away. It was a struggle for Takamiya to rein in his libido. He was powerfully tempted to tiptoe down the hall just to look in on the face of his beloved again.

He's so cute, thought Takamiya. It's driving me crazy. I love him so much. I hope someday, he comes to love me as much as I love him.

He shook his head at his hopelessly romantic thoughts.

I sound like an idiot. He hates homos. I ought to be realistic, but…I think he likes me.

God, I'm doing it again. Blowing things out of proportion. After all, he did punch me.

But he didn't hit me all that hard, not really. And then he let me hold him. I really think he likes me. He stayed there for the longest time with my arms around him. He's so cute.

Takamiya's mind raced on, exploring any and all scenarios, but finally he was so exhausted by the uncertainty of gauging Izumi's possible reactions the following day, that he peeled off his clothes finally, slid into bed and fell asleep more promptly than he imagined possible.

He dreamed of the beach again. The sun peeped out from time to time from behind the clouds. He was watching gentle waves wash the shore, when he heard the trudge of footsteps in the sand. He looked up and saw Izumi with the ruined kite in his hands.

The boy looked sad as he stopped beside Takamiya and offered the man the broken toy.

"I don't know how to fix it myself," Izumi said.

Takamiya accepted the kite carefully.

"It's not so bad. The biggest problem is the string," he said as his hands moved patiently to unravel the knots. "The sticks can be mended with glue. It will be good as new. You'll see. Good as new."

Takamiya was still winding the string, when the alarm went off at seven and shredded his dream.

Takamiya's first waking thought, was a happy one. "Izumi is here!"

His second thought was that the boy must be hungry, so Takamiya phoned room service and placed a breakfast order.

He showered, shaved and had just finished dressing when the doorbell signaled the waiter's arrival. When Takamiya opened the door, the server pushed a cart filled with covered trays in to the foyer.

"Where did you want it, sir?" he asked Takamiya.

"On the terrace, please," said Takamiya. A few moments later, the room service clerk left.

Takamiya poured a mug of tea for himself, and then walked up the hall, to see about waking Izumi. The man hovered at the door with his heart and stomach flip-flopping. He was a little hesitant to knock when he heard the sound of a yawn.

Izumi's waking up, thought Takamiya.

A groan followed the yawn. Then Takamiya heard a sudden abrupt rustle of sheets, a sharp indrawn breath and Izumi's words of delighted surprise.

"Ha-ha! I'm healthy again. Thank goodness! Morning wood! "

Takamiya chuckled at the phrase.

"Good morning, Izumi," he said as he nudged the half-open door to peer in the room. "It's just like I said, right?"

The youth gave Takamiya an embarrassed look and swung his legs over the side of the bed.

"But it's a pity you didn't return to health last night," Takamiya said with a mischievous twinkle in his eyes.

Takamiya was completely unprepared for the pillow Izumi launched in retaliation. It bowled him over and knocked the mug of tea from his hand.

"Jeez! Can you get it through your head? I'm not a homo!" the boy exclaimed with nervous vehemence.

Takamiya pulled himself off the floor with a sigh, grabbed a towel from the top of the dresser and started mopping up the spill.

"It was just a joke," said Takamiya. "I came to let you know that room service just brought breakfast. I thought you'd be hungry," he said, as he picked up the cup and towel, then turned and exited the room.

"Breakfast?" repeated Izumi as he followed Takamiya. "I'm sorry. I'll be there in a minute. I just have to use the….uh," the boy mumbled as he vanished into the bathroom.

As the man walked to the kitchenette to drop off the mug and tea-stained towel, he tried to weigh the importance of the punch to the jaw Izumi had dealt him last night, and now this morning, the pillow to the head. The translator began to wonder if he was up to the task of winning the youth over. He went back into the living room, and opened the French doors to the terrace feeling a little downcast. Izumi followed him out just a moment later.

"Have a seat," Takamiya said with a gesture towards a cushioned wicker chair. The meal looked inviting spreading out on the glass-topped rattan table. After a brief moment of thanksgiving, Izumi picked up a scone and took a bite while Takamiya poured a cup of tea. The need for another cup reminded the man of the mug he just spilled and he couldn't resist the impulse to confront Izumi about his behavior.

"You didn't have to throw the pillow at me, you know. I was just making a little joke. I don't know why you're so mad at me now, when you were so cute last night--"

Izumi hastened to interrupt. "Last night was last night. That wasn't the normal me. Today is another day and I'm back to normal again. Got it? Normal! So just forget about last night. Put it out of your mind."

"Yes, yes, I got it, okay," Takamiya said with a crestfallen sigh. "So from where things stand, you still haven't forgiven me for what happened that other night." He propped his elbow on the table, rested his chin on his hand, glanced at Izumi's implacable expression and then down at the tabletop. He felt quite melancholy and it didn't help one bit when Izumi declared in a matter-of-fact conversational tone, "I hate homos."

Takamiya sipped his tea thinking, "This is it, the handwriting on the wall. The kiss-off. It's all over. Shot down for good."

He sank into reverie only to pull out of it when Izumi started to speak again, "…but in your particular case, Takamiya-san, it's okay."

Takamiya repeated the words in his mind until they registered. Did he say it's okay in my case? He did, he said it's okay!

"Izumi?" The man could scarcely believe his ears and his eyes widened in surprise. Did the boy really mean it?

"It's because you're really nice," Izumi went on. "I don't have a choice, so I'll forgive you…"

Takamiya's smile lit up his face like sunshine.

"But even so," Izumi continued like a lawyer laying out arguments, "don't try to force me or urge me…"

Takamiya bridged the gap between them with a quick, sweet, spontaneous kiss on the cheek.

"I love you," he said happily.

"Gah!" I'm warning you. Come close and I'll tear you apart!" the boy growled while Takamiya beamed, eyes shining at the prospect.

Nothing else mattered to him now. Not kicks. Not blows or sharp words. He had Izumi's forgiveness now. He had hope.


	16. None So Blind

Title: The Ways Love Grows

Chapter 16 None So Blind

Author: Jexia6

Characters: Sakashita Izumi, Takamiya, Aoe, Yanase Izumi, Aoe's girlfriend

Disclaimer: Characters belong to Shimizu Yuki, not me.

Warnings: Spoilers for the whole series Chapter rating PG-13 some mild het sex.

Summary: Takamiya and Izumi part ways. Takamiya and Aoe talk frankly. Yanase Izumi crushes on Aoe. Aoe visits his girlfriend, Mirella.

Izumi turned his attention back to breakfast, ate another scone and some rashers of bacon, while Takamiya serenely sipped his tea and stared off into space. It seemed improbable that anything could ruin his glorious mood.

"Ah, what a beautiful view this morning, don't you think, Izumi?" Takamiya declared with a radiant expression on his face. Fuji-san with its snow-capped peak glowing in the sun was no more resplendent than that happy man.

"Um, yes, it's nice," Izumi responded politely enough, though he studiously avoided looking at the man seated opposite him at the table. _Takamiya is way too good looking _he thought, and somehow that fact scared him a little. "Thanks for breakfast. I suppose I should be getting home. Do you think my clothes are ready yet?"

"Ah, I almost forgot," Takamiya said with a slight sigh and he went into the suite to call the laundry service.

Izumi followed him in a few moments later.

"The clothes should be here shortly," said Takamiya.

Izumi nodded, "May I take a shower?" he asked.

"Of course."

While Izumi was in the bathroom, Takamiya arranged for the car, and reviewed his appointment list.

The doorbell rang and Takamiya opened the door for the clerk who dropped off the clean clothing, and a shoebox.

Takamiya put the clothing on the bed by the bathroom and went out into the living room to check his email.

Izumi came out of the bedroom dressed in his clean clothes and jacket. He looked contented and almost cheerful, certainly a far cry from the wet, miserable boy who had shown up on the doorstep the night before.

"I was wondering if I might borrow a pair of slippers to wear home," Izumi asked.

"Don't worry about that," Takamiya said as he handed the shoebox to Izumi. "You should try these on to see if they fit."

Izumi opened the top and looked inside.

"You bought me shoes?" he asked.

"Well, the hotel shopping service did."

"But these are new Etnies," he said.

"I'm sorry. Is there a problem?"

"Well, it's just--this is the top of the line model, you see. These are ultra-cool."

"Well, isn't that nice, then," said Takamiya with a happy chuckle.

As he drove Izumi home, Takamiya's mind teemed with plans. He was meeting the movers at ten. Then he had furniture to buy, books to shelve, phone service to arrange. He had only two more nights left at the hotel. If he managed to finish ahead of schedule, maybe he could settle the hotel bill and sleep at his new apartment for the first time on Saturday night. Then he'd be living in Izumi's neighborhood. A smile spread over his face as he looked over at the youth who was staring out the passenger window.

As fast as Takamiya's mind was racing, Izumi's was lumbering, trying to make sense of what had happened the day before at the Rose Playhouse, and after when he came to Takamiya's place..

Takamiya had been so kind and thoughtful, getting his clothes cleaned, and his jacket mended. He'd even gone so far as to make sure he had a pair of shoes to wear home. Izumi would never forget the man's kindness, but…

…but, the thing that weighed most heavily on Izumi's mind was not the comforting hug, but the burning kiss the man had pressed on his mouth before the hug... Izumi's face flushed with embarrassment as he recalled the moment when he responded to it.

Izumi was not at all certain how that man managed always to slip past his defenses. Whether Takamiya was as nice, kind and generous as the day is long was immaterial. _Was it his smile or his tongue that made him feel weak in the knees?_ Izumi shook his head. He shouldn't be thinking like that at all. That was the point. Izumi had to find some way to put some distance between them, permanently.

School was starting up again on Monday though. Yes, school would keep him out of Takamiya's orbit for part of the day, but he had to find some way of keeping busy after school and on the weekends. He'd heard the café he'd worked at the summer before was hiring. At the time, he hadn't wanted to think about working, but now, he'd give them a call to see if the job was still open. If that option was closed to him, he could try another restaurant. He doubted that joining a club at school would be enough to keep him out of Takamiya's way…

And then Takamiya was pulling into the driveway of Izumi's home with a happy smile on his face saying, "Give my best to your mother, Izumi. I hope to see you again soon."

"I will, and thanks for everything," was what Izumi said, as he got out of the car, but what he was really thinking was "_Not if I can help it."_

To Izumi's surprise and relief, the man hadn't even tried to give him a good-bye kiss. Maybe the guy was finally getting the picture.

"I love you, Izumi," Takamiya said just before he backed out onto the street. He even waved good-bye with that happy smile on his handsome face.

Well, all right, so the guy still didn't get the picture. Izumi sighed as Takamiya drove off, then went into the house, changed into a dress shirt, tie, and slacks, and walked to the café. The help wanted sign was still in the window. Within five minutes, Izumi had his old job back, and within ten, he was standing at the cash register ringing up the orders and giving the customers their change. Izumi was so absorbed in the work that Takamiya didn't even cross his mind more than three or more times an hour.

As for that joyful man, he sailed through the to-do's on his list and by four PM, after days of missed messages, he finally even managed to get Aoe Reiji, himself, on the phone and they agreed to meet for drinks later that afternoon at the Aqua bar.

After greeting and settling in at a table with their drinks in front of them, chatting about Takamiya's translation progress and Aoe's trip to Indonesia, the two men moved on to more personal matters.

"I'm sorry Izumi couldn't meet with you as promised," he said. "You're not upset, I hope."

"Not at all," Takamiya responded. "When I called the club, I was told he was taken ill. I hope he's all right."

"He's much better and should be released tomorrow morning. He just about begged me to try to re-schedule with you as soon as possible. He forgot to take his heart medicine, he was so excited about meeting you."

"I'm flattered, but I'm afraid it's out of the question."

"Oh, then you are upset? I'm confused."

"Well, you see, I met someone."

"Really?" said Aoe, as he lit a cigarette, took a drag and observed his friend a little more closely. "Yes, there's something different about you." He raised an eyebrow and smirked when he put his finger on what that something was. "You got laid, didn't you?"

Takamiya blushed, laughed and nodded.

"The pride of the Aoe house will be ruined if you tell me you met your friend at another club.

Takamiya's face flushed again as he said, "Oh, no, really, it was nothing like that. What happened is that I met a young man at the Transportation Center who was carrying a red rose. And by the way, his name is Izumi."

Aoe choked on his drink he was so surprised by the coincidence.

"Are you joking?" he asked when he finally cleared his throat.

"No, I'm not. He was waiting for a blind date. I showed up thinking he was from the club and the rest is history. We had such a good time! I took him out to the stables. He'd never been riding before. Turns out _he'd_ never been_ ridden_ before either," Takamiya said using the euphemism for sex with a somewhat embarrassed expression on his face.

"You deflowered a virgin? You have been busy, my friend. How did all that come about?"

Well, I took him out for dinner and drinks. I think it might be the first time, he ever had liquor, and the whole time, I thought he was Blue Boy's Izumi so when he was unable to perform, well, I took things in hand myself."

"So, give me details."

"It's a little embarrassing. I thought maybe he was in pain from a previous partner who was rough with him. I didn't know it was his first time. He was kind of vocal in his protests."

"Vocal in his protests? Is that a euphemism too?"

"I didn't rape him. It was a misunderstanding which didn't clear up, until I called the club. You can't imagine how sick I felt. By that time, I was already sure I was in love."

"Love?" asked Aoe. "That's a pretty intense reaction for a first date. What's he like?"

"Cute. Very cute," Takamiya enthused as he ticked off his lover's attributes. "He has a mop of thick black shiny hair, sparkling eyes, fresh face, very attractive. He can be very gentle, but he can also be very spontaneous in other ways."

"Other ways? Is that how you got the bruise on your chin?" Aoe asked with a grin.

"Well, yes," Takamiya admitted.

"If I'd known you wanted to get beaten up by a spoiled brat, I would have fixed you up with our number two, Rin."

"Izumi is not a brat. Not really. He's a nice person. Trustworthy too, I think. With Izumi, what you see is what you get."

"Sounds too good to be true," said Aoe with a skepticism born of long experience.

"Well, there are a few obstacles, but I 'm not going to let a little thing like the fact that he's not out of high school stand in my way."

Aoe chuckled. "So what is he, ten years younger than you or something? Are you sure he's not a brat? I never thought that you, of all people, would end up robbing the cradle."

"Laugh if you want. I knew you would. You'll laugh even harder at the rest of the story, but I tell you, in all honesty, that I've never been more sure of anything in my life. This is it. He's the person I'm supposed to spend my life with."

"You said the same thing about Julian."

"I meant it then, and I mean it now."

"But what happens if it blows up in your face again?"

"I won't give up so easily. I think he loves me. He just doesn't know it yet. He's young. He needs time. He also needs to figure out he's gay."

"This story gets weirder with every detail you add. Just how did you manage to get this guy in bed with you if he's not gay? Did you bribe him with cash or get him drunk?"

"I got him drunk. He threw the cash in my face when he sobered up," Takamiya said with a rueful laugh. But seriously, I thought he was Blue Boy's Izumi."

The translator was feeling a little defensive, still he launched fearlessly into recounting the chain of events and when Takamiya finished, Aoe summed up what he had heard.

"Let me get this straight. So, you sort of raped/didn't rape him on Tuesday night, had family dinner with him and his mom on Wednesday night. He shows up on your doorstep and spends the night on Thursday--"

"Nothing happened," Takamiya interrupted. "Well, nothing much…" he said, as he colored and smiled.

"And you move into his neighborhood today," Aoe resumed. "Is that right?"

"Well, I'm almost moved in. I bought the double bed this morning, shelved almost all of my books. I'd love to sleep there tonight, but I have a few last minute things to take care of at the hotel.

"Here I've been trying to light a fire under you for three months so you'd finally get yourself an apartment, and this Izumi manages to do it in three days. I must admit, I'm impressed. He must be very special."

"Oh, he is," Takamiya smiled ecstatically. "You'll see when you meet him."

They sipped their drinks quietly and watched the bar crowd for a while. Then Takamiya asked his friend, "And what about you? Are you happy?"

Aoe chuckled, "I'm happy you're happy."

"You know what I mean, though."

"I'm too busy to be happy," he said as he swallowed the last of his drink, extinguished his cigarette, and stood up to leave. "Well, it's been great catching up with you, but I've got a few more stops to make before I have to get back to the job and make sure all hell doesn't break loose. Things tend to get a little crazy on Friday nights."

"Right," said Takamiya. "It was good to see you, too."

While Takamiya went back to his hotel, Aoe stopped by Saint Maria's to visit Yanase Izumi. The owner of the Blue Boy Club looked through the small window in the door to the room, and saw his number one host asleep on the white linen of the hospital bed. Aoe could not but admire the flawless marble skin, the beautiful, flowing hair spread out on the pillow, and the appearance of complete innocence on the face of this young man in the flower of his youth.

_He's so beautiful, thought Aoe,_ _and I pimp him out_.

It wasn't the first time he'd agonized about offering up that flesh for sale. He would never have thought he could be the whoremonger of such a beautiful person, and today, particularly, he was not proud of it, but he was pragmatic. The pragmatic son of a most pragmatic father. No, his father had been more than pragmatic. He had been ruthlessIs that how life had eroded his father's morals? He'd be damned if he ended up like his father. In a few more years, the publishing contracts would allow him to expand his business interests into more legitimate trades. Now though, he was just disappointed that Takamiya had not had the chance to meet Yanase Izumi.

"But they still might. Takamiya with a teenager?" He shook his head at the notion, knocked on the door and entered.

Izumi's eyes flew open and he smiled. He never could control his happiness at seeing the man he esteemed above all others, and to think he had come to visit him twice in three days. Was Owner falling in love with him? He searched Aoe's eyes for signs of love, but saw nothing but concern.

"Is there something wrong? Were you able to talk to your friend, Owner?" the young man asked.

"Well, it seems that Takamiya met someone, but I don't know how serious it is. You may meet him sooner than you think, though. So, rest up, take care of yourself, and consider getting the operation."

"I have, Owner, but who will want me if I am scarred? How will I make my living? It's better if I keep taking the pills instead."

"And if you forget?"

"I won't forget. I don't want to let you down again."

It did Aoe no good to argue that he wasn't upset and didn't feel that his number one had let him down, so he took his leave a few minutes later, thinking how artlessly seductive the young man was. Though he had made a vow to keep his hands off his employees, it didn't mean he was blind to their attractions.

He arrived at his girlfriend's apartment some twenty minutes later, the gift of Chanel No. 5 in hand, and let himself with the key she had given him. She came to the door wearing a hot pink terry cloth bathrobe, and seemed a little surprised to see him.

"Perfume? For me? You shouldn't have," she gushed.

Aoe was frequently nonplussed by Mirella's reactions. He could never figure out if she was completely transparent or opaque. She had called Kiichi to make sure the message about buying the perfume got to him. He doubted he would ever understand her, but even as he shrugged the doubts away, he parted her robe, pulled her to him as he encircled her waist with his arms and slid his hands down to cup her buttocks. He pressed his crotch against hers and nudged her towards the sofa.

"Not the couch," she said.

He changed directions and guided her to one of the matching easy chairs.

"Not the chair," she said.

He picked her up in his arms and carried her to the mattress in the bedroom.

"But I just changed the sheets," she said.

"Guess you'll have to change them again," he murmured just before he silenced her with a kiss.

A half hour later, when he was in the shower cleaning up after sex, it struck him odd her complaining about having just changed the sheets, but then Mirella complained about lots of things. She'd probably pitch a fit when he had to go back to work, but he'd explained to her at the outset how things would be.

Could he actually marry this woman? He'd never been moved to whisper, "I love you," even in the height of passion. Maybe he could grow to love her some day. And did love really matter all that much? He could just imagine what Shiki's answer to that would be.

"I'm a fool," Aoe said.


	17. Night Thoughts

Fic: The Ways Love Grows Chapter 17  
Title: Night Thoughts  
Author: Jexia6  
Characters: Izumi and Takamiya  
Disclaimer: Not mine, Shimizu Yuki's.  
Rating: R for auto-eroticism, dream sex, language

Takamiya walked back to the King's Hotel in a thoughtful mood, mentally cataloguing what remained for him to do in order to check out of his suite. Talking to Aoe about Izumi had quickened Takamiya's desire to complete the move into his new apartment. Though that morning, he had considered staying through Saturday at the hotel, Takamiya had managed to accomplish more than he had expected. The phone service and other utilities were up and running. The apartment was ready for habitation. If he put his mind to it, he just might be able to start his new life tonight.

He'd have to pack his clothing, shaving gear, toothpaste, cologne and such, plus some other personal effects. Then there was the manuscript, the dictionaries, and all the books he'd accumulated in the past three months. It sounded like a lot, but it probably didn't amount to more than his original three suitcases-worth and four, maybe five boxes of books.

"Tomorrow begins today," he chuckled quietly as he picked up the pace.

When he entered the hotel lobby, he went directly to the desk and arranged to get some help in carrying his luggage and boxes. He asked the clerk to book him a rental car, and an hour or so later he was back at the desk settling his account. He pulled out of the parking area with a feeling of excited anticipation in his heart and by nine o'clock that evening, he was hauling his belongings into his new apartment.

The first thing he unpacked was the tea maker. He brewed a cup of Earl Grey and sipped it happily as he moved about his spacious surroundings.

He connected his computer and peripherals, and shelved the volumes he had brought with him. Then he energetically set about organizing the books from the thirty odd boxes that the movers had brought out of storage. The work might have gone faster, but he found himself pausing several times to flip through the pages of some of his old favorites. Chaucer. Mallory. Shakespeare. Byron. Shelley. Such difficult writers to translate well, he thought. Such a joy to read in the original.

After an hour of working like that, he paused to brew another cup of tea and take stock of where he stood.

There were still a good many things to do. He would finish unpacking the rest of the books the next day. In the meantime, he ought to hang his clothes before they wrinkled.

When he finished that chore, he placed his toiletries in the medicine cabinet, the towels and washcloths he had purchased earlier in the week on the shelf in the bathroom. Then he assessed what else he might need as he explored the rest of the living area. He had only the basics in terms of house wares. It was enough to get by on for a day or two.

Though he probably wouldn't be doing a great deal of food preparation, still, he ought to buy a rice cooker, at the very least, and a toaster, though he could use the oven, for the time being for his beloved crumpets. He started a list. Rice cooker. Toaster. Crumpets. Marmalade. Butter.

Yes, he ought to equip the kitchen. A few potted plants would make the place homier. He added that to his list. Maybe he could find the items he needed in the shops in his new neighborhood. He would go exploring first thing in the morning. Maybe he could find a café where he could have breakfast and even get some bookwork done. He'd spent many a morning and afternoon in Oxford teashops and coffee houses, working on his translations. Speaking of tea…He brewed another cup to stave off his growing fatigue.

He went into the bedroom and made up the bed with the crisp new white sheets he had purchased and the downy soft comforter, picturing Izumi snuggled up next to him and smiling as he did so. His mind soon jumped to other activities.

"Better buy an extra set of sheets," he laughed and jotted it down on his list. "And some more towels."

As he undressed for bed, his thoughts drifted as they invariably did, to the question of how he was going to win Izumi over. Of course, living in the neighborhood would increase his chances of running into the boy, but spring break would be over soon. His mother had said the new semester was starting on Monday.

Takamiya had no idea what after-school activities Izumi might be involved in. He hadn't mentioned having a job. But even so, it seemed that the only chance he'd have to see Izumi would be in the evenings. He wondered if the boy might benefit from some English language tutoring. Was he even taking English? What had his mother said at dinner that night? He couldn't quite remember. Most students studied English. Maybe he should give the mother a call and make the offer. Or was that too forward? Would she suspect something amiss? She would probably invite him to dinner again anyway. And if she did, Takamiya was certain that things would go better with her son than they had the last time.

"He called me a jerk that night, but this morning, he forgave me and that makes all the difference," Takamiya marveled as he slid between the sheets, pulled the covers up and lay on his back continuing his happy train of thought.

Izumi had been so beautiful and vulnerable the night before. Aoe was way off base calling the boy a brat. Well, maybe Izumi had cut up a little rough, but he'd had a difficult week, and anyway, Aoe had been quite starchy when he first met Shiki. Takamiya smiled. "Maybe it takes one to know one."

"Then again, sometimes when you find the one you love, you just know. Like I know with Izumi."

Takamiya closed his eyes and fell asleep with the hope that someday soon, Izumi might be lying next to him, sharing the bed.

_In the dream, he was walking along the High Street in Oxford, nose in a book, head in the clouds, as usual, when something moved behind him and he turned._

_"Izumi?" _

_There was no one there though he looked and looked… up at the steeples… up at the trees…up at a lark arrowing across the sky._

_"Hail to thee, blithe spirit!"_

_The sentence that sprang to his lips astonished him. The dreaming translator tried to frame a translation, but the Japanese came out garbled. It was sublime! Such piercing emotion! Tailor-made for his Izumi, so lithe and bonny…the sheen of health blooming on his cheeks…gleam of sun on his thick-cropped, sweet-smelling hair…._

_Look at the sky he said as their horses walked side by side… Then there was only one horse, a broad-backed bay that carried them over a flowered meadow. Had he been there before? _

_They shared a saddle. Izumi in front, himself behind, the two of them rocking …rocking… with the horse's soft whicker in his ears… they slipped from the saddle to soft turf, bodies twined in heat and friction while the rocking went on, and their cries roused coveys skyward-soaring larks. _

_"Hail to thee, blithe spirit!"_

Takamiya murmured in his sleep" I love you, Izumi."

Izumi came home from his job at the café almost exhausted after a day of unaccustomed work. His mind was full of the sights and sounds of his day. He had a slight headache, and thought he'd just lie down for a little with the lights off to see if it would pass. He had work again on Saturday and Sunday. School was starting up on Monday. He had mixed feelings. New classes. New teachers. The past week he had had enough novelty to last a lifetime. Whatever had possessed him to get into Takamiya's car on Tuesday?

"I was so naïve and embarrassed. God, what a dummy. Drinking and carrying on. Was I flirting with him at the restaurant? I act like it was all on his side, but…"

Even now, the physical memory of the intimacy of the sex felt hard-wired in him. That feeling of fullness and then the emptying when he came to climax. Fuck. It had been the most intense sexual experience of his life, and God knows, out of what reserves of shame or self-respect he had managed to stop Takamiya from fucking him again just last night. He didn't want it and yet…he could see how he might have given himself to the act just for that incredible feeling again.

And the very thought of it gave him a hard-on. Thinking of Takamiya at a time like this was not a good idea a small part of his conscience warned. The other part set him a riddle. _Which came first, the chicken or the egg?_

There was another part in hand just at the moment, thank you very much, and shut up.

He didn't need Takamiya to feel good.

His hand had always been a good friend until he'd gotten a load of Konno's porn stash. That stuff was stupid. He couldn't understand why he hadn't been able to masturbate to it just because Takamiya had…

The kinesthetic memory of the man's mouth on his cock came back to haunt him and Izumi got even harder as he lay in bed. _His mouth had been so wet…so hot…His tongue…_

I shouldn't be thinking of_ him_ while I'm doing _this_, Izumi considered again, as he wet his palm with saliva and slicked his penis with it, but somehow he just knew he was going to come hard if he did and he couldn't resist the temptation.

"It's nothing to worry about. It's just a fantasy. I've taken steps to cut him out of my life. Just this once," he promised himself as he started to stroke to completion.

In a few minutes, with the thought of Takamiya's hard strong body fucking him, Izumi finished with a groan.

"There, it's done. I'll probably never see him again, and if I do or don't, who cares? Now, I can sleep."

But sleep proved elusive. Somehow, he couldn't put Takamiya's kind embrace out of his mind. It made him ashamed to try. He would never forget the man's kindness as long as he lived.

"I do care," he whispered as tears stung his eyes, "but I'm not a homo. I'm not."

He didn't cry long. A half-minute, no more. Finally, having assured himself that his declaration was true, he slipped into dreamless sleep.

To be continued


End file.
